Today my mom came over and brought with her all five kids. We had a picnic lunch and then walked to the Candor school where there is a WONDERFUL playground. It was a fun day-it broke up my time since Matt won't get back until probably 10:00 tonight. It was surprisingly stress-free considering there were six kids here all under 7. I think it was because we were outside most of the day. Mom has asked me to watch all three of her kids from May 5-7. I am not looking forward to that.
I am surprised at how observant Corynn is-and how able she is to keep still and watch. I have been teaching her about birds lately, and she is fascinated with them. This evening she was sitting on my lap in the yard and we were watching birds at the two feeders we have out. She hasn't learned to be "quiet" yet but the birds are brave enough to come out and play even with her ramblings. She is perfectly content to sit and watch until I am ready to get up. She spots birds before I do sometimes. She always points them out as they fly away and today, as a bird sat eating at the feeders, she said "Birds eating!" I am so thankful to have a child so "in tune" with nature, so observant and interested, so content to be a "watcher". It is nice. I hope to be able to sit and enjoy God's creatures and creation with all my children, it really is such a calming and unifying experience.
I took some great pictures today. I hope to post them soon. I have been trying tonight but it just won't work. I am having problems with Hello. I am having problems with our computer. Our computer has been doing some crazy things lately, and let me tell you...it is driving me (and Matt) crazy. I hope it doesn't give out completely, because we can't afford a new one...but I do really enjoy "computer time".
I have been so unmotivated to lost weight (after gaining back 10 pounds I had already lost). I feel just plain crappy about myself and I am taking it out on my poor hubby. Think of all the pressure he has to make me feel good about myself when I don't. Not an easy task-and truly, it isn't his responsibility. I keep rationalizing and justifying me NOT exercising because I think, "well, hopefully, next month I will be pregnant and then I won't be able to fit into those shorts anyway." But, the Lord hasn't made me in the pregnant state yet-so I have got to stop using that as an out. And I have to stop depending on Matt to make me feel good about myself and DO something about it myself.
I find myself looking at tiny baby clothes at the store, and have even bought several very good condition things from salvation army. I am so tempted to get out Corynn's newborn clothes...but I fight off the temptation because I know I will start to feel sad. I try not to think about it too much and push out the longing when it does come with busy-ness. I never thought I would have to be concerned with getting pregnant, I worried quite the opposite-that I would get pregnant TOO MUCH if I left it in the Lord's hands. He has certainly shown me a thing or two. I always remind myself when I am feeling down in the dumps, (and if I keep talking like this, I am headed there fast...) that I have experienced everything I ever asked for. As a child, (probably about 8 or 9) I prayed one night to God asking him to please just let me live long enough to get married, get pregnant, and have a baby. I remember praying that because I was always so scared of dying. I just wanted to experience those things, and I would be content. Well, He has given me those things which I asked, which are more than some have received who had my same yearning...and so I must count myself blessed and gaurd myself against discontentment. Easier said than done-but true, none-the-less. I am really am truly blessed, even if I will forever be in the state that I am now.
Last weekend, I visited Gram at her house. It was such a nice time. She really enjoyed Corynn and I enjoyed her. She gave me a cross stitch wall hanging of Psalm 23-it is about 1/3 done. I am looking forward to finishing it-I have been looking for a special project. We ended our visit with her playing the organ for me, per my request. She played me several tunes, including one that she used to play every evening as Grandpa Leigh headed upstairs to bed. I love being a part of Matt's family, and I love his Gram like my own.
Well, it is 9:00. Matt still isn't home so I will go work out, shower, and then pick up where I left off with Jan Koran's "At Home in Mitford", a book Matt's mom got for me....or I might opt for "How to Write a Children's Book and Get it Published". Hope all is well with everyone this night-little ones snug in there beds with visions of butterflies dancing in their heads...and each grown up enjoying the world around us and all the good therein. Sleep well, and good night!
3 comments:
Is anyone else having problems with Hello? I hope it isn't our computer....
Yep, Hello's ignoring me, too, no matter how loudly I shout.
My goodness, you'll have four children just like that! If I were you, I'd set up a few tents at the playground...
Weight, schmeight. There are good reasons to lose weight if one is compromising their health or eating for the wrong reasons, but it's so easy to slip into concerns over weight that are ungodly and harmful(I speak of myself here, although I've probably got lots of company). You're a lovely girl, and you would be even if you gained many, many, more pounds. Of course, since you're naturally slender, gaining 60 pounds or so without being pregnant would probably indicate that one of the above reasons for losing weight was in order... So, skinny shorts, schminny schmorts. I'm a great comfort, aren't I! :)
I'm having similar experiences regarding God's control. Because John and I chose to accept as many children as God granted, I counted on Him giving us a dozen or so. It's only through our experiences of the last few months that I've begun to understand His control more deeply--because it's touching us personally instead of in theory. I can slip into worries about future ectopic pregnancies or barrenness, but that's when it's so wonderful to KNOW that God is in control. He is faithful to us no matter what He allows, and we must remember that...even as we finger those wispy, little newborn clothes. :)
I need to write you an honest-to-goodness letter, and I plan to as soon as the weekend hits.
Until then, kiss Corynn and enjoy the birds!
I clicked on your link and got an aol search results page instead. 2 sites that came up were interesting. Plus size clothing and one for cross dressers!
Scott
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