Just over two weeks left to go. Last night though, I thought my time had finally come. I had contractions all night long and couldn't sleep because of them from 3:00-5:30. I finally ended up falling asleep, secure in the knowledge I would be heading to the hospital this morning. I knew that the contractions were irregular so I didn't start rushing around-but I thought for sure they would BECOME regular and lead to the long-awaited introduction. Alas, 'twas not to be. This morning I woke up tired but not at all in labor. Bah humbug. I am left feeling even more impatient than before. It is as if I was THIS close. I know it will be soon but-how soon!?!? I pray fervently Fervently FERVENTLY that I don't go late. If ever I go early, I keep PRAYING it is with this one. It will leave me with more after-baby time with my family and will leave our families with more Peanut-loving time before we whisk off to Neverland. I really hope I go early. I told Matt at the end of last week, I am planning on Thursday being the 'big day'. And I know it will be, because I have SO much to do with it. :-)
I have started the enormous task of packing our things up. I have only done 8 boxes, though to have a number at all is rewarding. The fact is, you wouldn't guess it because I packed things that were hidden away in cupboards-my craft supplies, our stationary/office supplies, homeschool stuff for Corynn, and clothing for Peanut. Since we will be moving while he is only weeks old, I left only preemie and 0-3 month stuff out for us to use. No point keeping it all unpacked. It WAS hard though-packing away things that we JUST got from our shower, without having used them. Now I can't even LOOK at them. The project for today is to pack up some of the bookcases.
My pre-baby tasks have dwindled-some having been completed, some having been put off until after the move. I did finally finish Peanut's dresser, and though it won't be FILLED here since we have only 'essentials' left out (a spare drawer in Corynn's dresser), it is nice to have it complete and ready to be put to use when we get into our new place. I will post pictures very soon. The only things I REALLY REALLY REALLY want to get done before Peanut is to take our last 'pregnant' photo shoot with Matt and I and to work on the birth announcements (the non-informative parts.). Oh-and to pack our hospital bag and Corynn's overnight bag. This is especially important given last nights' taunt.
We are still at odds with those of us who do not want us to move away, namely EVERYONE. :-) While I understand the concerns of all, I am getting increasingly frustrated because frankly, I need ENCOURAGEMENT and ENTHUSIASM not cynicism and concern. I already HAVE tremendous concern. I don't need to be reminded-it is ever present on my mind! I am scared to death that I am not going to 'transition' well, moving away and unpacking with a newborn. I am scared to death that I am going to get some sort of post-partem depression and make my family suffer by my inabilities to cope. I need to be pushed to revel in the goodness and glory of the situation. I need to find FAITH and TRUST that the Lord has brought this opportunity about for His glory and honor and that by His grace, we will not only survive, but flourish. My focus must not be on the negative but needs to be turned to the deep thankfulness I SHOULD be feeling toward the Lord opening the doors to such a wonderful opportunity. How can I have the right attitude about this move-ever trusting in the Lord, while apologizing for what we are doing 'to' everyone else?!? It is a struggle on my mind and in my heart.
Thank you for all who commented so cheerfully on the house pictures. It really encouraged me in a way that I have missed out on. It helped me to be outwardly enthusiastic about SOMETHING about this move. :-) My attitude must change-for my sake, for Corynn's, but ESPECIALLY for Matt. The poor man has had to contend with more than his fair share of defending himself over something that should not need defending...providing for his family and pursuing his lifelong dream. The last thing HE needs right now is a moping wife who is wallowing in fear and self-pity. I need to be supportive. I need to be strong. For HIM.
9 comments:
Praying for you all for everything....for a safe delivery and healthy baby and for a smooth transition and understanding friends and family members. How exciting...only two weeks till you will have your little peanut! Makes me long for another one and Lydia is only six months old! Have a great day! ~Jen
Oh Rebecca, You sound so downcast! This is such an exciting time, and although I will miss you, Matt, and Corynn~ I think that this will be such an adventure! Yes, Family is farther away...but that is what the open road is for--and what a great opportunity to own your own farm!!! Especially one that is operational and thriving instead of starting at the bottom!!! I lived on a farm too-and that is my fondest memories of being a child--I am so excited for Corynn and your "Peanut". Plus a church family nearby who you are bound to know someone in common with someone else!!! No more sadness!!! This is all just too awesome--except for the part where you leave. We are so excited to visit you -Cory and I have already talked about it...Have the cards ready, okay?
Rebecca,
I do believe it is God's will for you to go, and I do believe he has provided a beautiful home for you, and a answer to prayer for your family! I am excited to see it face to face, and visit you, and I will do my best to be an encourager to you, rather than a "dragging you down sister" :)
I do hope Peanut comes soon too- I really can't wait to meet him :)
It's not like it's the 1800's and you're heading out west! With the phone, internet and easy travel you don't have to be isolated from friends and family. Although I'm sure they are going to miss you. (Easily said from the girl who hasn't moved more than 15 minutes away from any part of her family)
I'm sure you will find church family that will be ready to welcome you with open arms. You are adding to the people in your world, not subtracting.
I think it's incredibly exciting.
Grrr. False labor. GRRRRR!
With Annika, I missed at least two nights of sleep due to regular contractions; they didn't amount to a darned thing considering she came 10 days late. I empathize with your frustration and your desire that Peanut come on time, if not early. Just hold on until after Depew!
I second everyone else's encouragement (lazy of me to not give my own, eh?), because everyone has written so well. If you are confident that the Lord is leading you to Penn's Woods, then there's no need to apologize! God is giving you great things, which you realize, and others should rejoice for you instead of constantly wishing that the house and farm and Christian owner lived in Nanticoke or Ithaca. Oh. Er. Ulp.
I rejoice for you! (Tongue in cheek, is there any way to transplant a brick house, a large yard, a farm and 600 head of cattle?)
:)
OH! It's only 450 head of cattle! Even easier!
Rebecca, you need some encouragement, dear sister!!! I certainly hope we aren't adding to your frustration. Like I said, we will miss seeing you on a weekly basis, but that doesn't mean we won't EVER see you! :P
We have had to move quite a lot being in the military. Sometimes, I wondered if I would be able to handle it. In the seemingly short time I have known you, one thing I know for sure is that YOU CAN handle it. YOU CAN do it. It all seems overwhelming now, but things will fall into place. You will have to live with cardboard boxes around you for a while once you get down there, but little by little, your house will become a home.
I had (and have!) such a hard time with things all piled up around me, and want so badly to put them all away all at once, but when you have a brand new baby and others to tend to, plus meals to make, etc, that kind of gets shoved aside for a while. It doesn't mean you are any less of a housekeeper, trust me! God knows our hearts. Our babies are more important than dusting or doing dishes!!
With Timothy, I was CERTAIN I was going into labor quite a few times, only to be shot down. What an adventure, huh?? :) I know how impatient you must feel now, but it is in God's hands (I know you know that!)
With Stephen, Dave was home for just a month before he had to leave for Korea. He planned the month with Stephen's "due date" right in the middle, so he would have time to see him before he went back. WELL, Stephen decided to be 6 days late, so Dave only got to see him for a WEEK before he left again. The next time he saw the baby, Stephen was 4 months old.
I tell you this not to discourage you in any way, but to remind you that the people who are most important in all this are your immediate family-you, Matt,Corynn, and your little baby. This isn't always the most popular view, but it is the Biblical one. A lot of the time, our extended family adds a whole lot of stress to our situation, and very little help. They are understandably upset over a big move or whatever, but they must understand that Matt is doing this to better HIS family, and that is that. He is the head, no one else.
I speak from experience. When we were thinking about moving to Alaska, whew, out came the comments, etc. Even with our wedding, we were out in CA and Dave's mom and my stepmom basically arranged everything. We came back to MA and got married. It was a nice wedding, but I still feel like it wasn't MINE, KWIM?
I feel like I have rambled on and on, but I hope I encouraged you and made you understand that NONE of you need to do any apologizing for the new job or anything.
Take care of yourself, and I pray that the new little guy arrives safe and healthy!
Oh, yes about the GBS... I never had it, but they will give you antibiotics in hospital. Trust me, you are seeing an OB. If it was very serious, an OB would be all over that! They are way more medical than midwives. Try not to worry. Like it was said before, it seems to be fairly common to test pos for it.
I am so sorry to hear of the lack of encouragement, but do know that it is because you are so LOVED and cherished that they don't want you to move. And besides, you know the enemy - always looking to DIVIDE and confuse rather than encourage and support. I am sorry to hear of your anxiety of GBS. I have that test in a week.
Oh Rebecca, if I was there I would give you a great big hug! You are so right about changing YOUR attitude to be a supportive and encouraging wife to your husband. With such a big change and everyone questioning him, he really needs that right now. YOU ARE A GREAT WIFE AND MOTHER!!!
false labor is the worst! i hope you have a very smooth labor and delivery SOON! hang in there!
:)
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