Panda Paws

The other night, you fell out of bed. Papa and I were downstairs and heard a loud *THUD* over our heads and knew what must have happened. We both went upstairs, and sure enough, you were there-on the floor, fast asleep. This is the third time you have fallen from your bed, but you have never woken up from it. Papa gently lifted you back on your bed and tucked you in, snug and tight. Blanket up to your chin, making sure you'd be warm enough. You know, he wants you to be warm as can be at night. Always has.

As he walks out of the room, I tiptoe to your bedside and look at you. Much more comfortable now, it seems. I give you a soft little kiss on your forehead and drink in your still-baby smell and feel your still-baby skin so soft on my nose. Your eyes flutter for just a moment, then wearily peek out from under your lashes. Quickly and quietly I step away from you, backing toward the door when you turn toward me, hold up your arm and stretch your three fingers...in a dreamy "I love you" sign.

Never have I had dreams better than that night; the night when your fingers told me you loved me, even as you slept.

These are precious times, times I don't want to forget, so I will write some things here about my boy not quite two.

You have finally begun to speak, though admittedly, your expressions still speak volumes more than your words.

You know lots of REAL words, like Clock, Yuck, FRESH (which you always say after I change your diaper), Book, Do, Please, Dutchie, "Tuck" (truck), more than I can even remember, really. But there are a few 'baby word' stragglers that you hang on to; "Da" means thank you and "Aa-Baaa" is Amen. You and I both know you could say Amen and Thank you...but you and I both are happy to keep that our little secret.

You call food and rink 'Nack' (snack), "Moe" for "More", you say "No" in place of 'yes" and you still have no name for your sister. I think you purposely tease me by calling her Mama at times. You rascal.

You repeat words often, as if trying to remember them for next time. Sometimes they are CLEAR to all, sometimes only clear to me.

You sit at the table at mealtime, quietly (even if the food is right in front of you) with fingers entangled and fists pressed against your nose ready to pray, but your eyes are wide as can be and stay that way all through the prayer.

When I change your diaper, you think it is your special duty to throw it away. Every time.

When I change your clothes, you take the dirty ones to the dirty clothes closet. Every time.

When you finish your nap, you put your books back on the bookcase. Every time.

When you find garbage you throw it away without being asked. Every time.

You enjoy doing things for me, in fact, you take great PRIDE in doing things for me.

When you are naughty and I speak to you about it, and ask you if you understand, with big crocodile tears you look up and say " Yes Mama" but it comes out "Ma. ___Ma."

You eat with a fork and spoon portions that would match my own, you set your cup nicely down and have been for months. When at the table, you occasionally roll your eyes just to get everyone laughing.

I had to clean the lightfixture above the table, because each meal time you would point to it and tell me it was "Yuck" with dead flies in it. You would bring it up EVERY meal time, without fail. Ugh.

You sign "I love you" and never try to say it...but recently you did start to say "I do, I do" afterwards.

You make my life so much the richer, with you in it. And I love ye, my little boy, I do. I do.