My heart yearns for opportunity to express my reflections in written form, yet time and opportunity have not allowed for it.
This move is more consuming than I had at first thought and what we thought was a nice straight and narrow view has become cumbersome and curvy-not allowing to see too far into the future. Like a haze, a fog. We can barely see the tips of our toes as we embark on this journey.
Our new home, The Villa, is looking lovely on the outside: but the inside is no further progressed than when photos were snapped a month ago. Still no shower, no TOILET, and no kitchen. Still dust, floating in the sunlight of the rooms and glittering the floor. Still the loud clammer of hammer and nail, meeting together and buzz saw ripping. Our move date has been postponed until Friday morning-but even that is too soon; even a week later than we had originally expected-the house is not ready to welcome us. Or our belongings.
Internal struggles have torn my heart and mind in two and we are in the "Strategy TWO" mode:
Find an alternate place to store our belongings, since we can't put them in the house.
Have access to powder room sundries.
Find a way for Matt to be set up for success at his new work on Monday, while working hard this weekend and in the coming weeks. Can he be fully rested sleeping on the floor amongst dust and showering elsewhere?!
And worst of all: the one thing I made perfectly clear as a contingency before any new job or move was approved, might have to be forced into reality. Moving in with the in-laws. Moving in with ANYONE. It wasn't to be so, I can't bear the thought of it. And yet/
My ways are not His. My plans are fallible and short-sighted.
So- my breath draws tight in my chest, tears trickle up and out, and desperation looms and I am left to wait and see, hope and pray.
I said it before, and mean it more than ever before. Lord, give me strength to endure anything that might come about. Might I not only endure, but do so with grace and ease-and might I be strengthened in the process.
Please.
God will give you the grace to bear all. He will give it as you need it and not before. Jean will attest that she wishes she appreciated living with us when it was happening, so take note and learn what you can if it ends up happening. And smile, God loves you!!!
ReplyDeleteI moved in with my in-laws while my husband was finishing graduate school and looking back I wish that I had been more kind and appreciative of their generosity. I'll pray that God will help you see the good if you end up in that situation.
ReplyDeleteBut I can see how disappointed you are :(
Mrs. Bowen
What a difficult time, Rebecca. I am praying that the Lord gives you strength. (((hugs)))
ReplyDelete~Kelli
I was just reading James 4:13 this morning. It struck me how much it applies to my current situation, and I think it applies to yours also.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry this has become such a difficulty. I do understand how you are feeling. Just try and remember, will any of this be as distressing 5 years from now? I have to remind myself of that very thing often.
Hang in there.
I'm sorry your joy has turned into uncertainty. Your home will be wonderful when it is ready for you, and God WILL give you strength to endure the time waiting for it. I am a planner, uncertainty drives me crazy, I just have to remind myself (MANY times) that God knows what's going on even if I don't. I pray He gives you peace in your uncertainty.
ReplyDeleteBlessings-
Andie
Hi Rebecca :) I am praying with you and for you - specifically for courage and joy and peace. Love, Q
ReplyDeleteOh ... my prayers I offer up to Him in your behalf. Our plans are laid, but His will covers all. Take heart, dear one, in knowing that He loves you and has equipped you with all you need to endure ... whatever may come your way. What a disappointment; and yet, so much to look forward to. Keep your camera handy. Chronicle the JOY you find in every day. Hugs to you. : )
ReplyDeleteWell that stinkaroos. It's not always comforting that the Lord has more confidance in our coping skills than we do, but fortunately, even though we don't alwasys see it at first, He will do whats best for us. Keep us posted and all that.
ReplyDeleteDo you know anyone with lots of camping stuff you could borrow? Air mattress, stove, portable shower, heck, even a camper? That might ease some of the strain, and still let you be "home".
Praying for you, Rebecca. I already told you we had to live with friends once. THEN, during another move we had to live with my parents for two weeks. It CAN be done. And God will give you the grace to handle it all. Be careful not to close the door on His blessings to you! Love you lots, Tracy
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry Rebecca! You know what, when we moved into our house, our moving day was pushed back a week or two (and I was pregnant also) and I wanted to strangle something! I know exactly how you are feeling. BIG hugs to you and the kids. My favorite verse ever is Proverbs 13:12 "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when the desire comes it is a tree of life".
ReplyDeleteI emailed you. I hope I have the right address! :)
ReplyDeleteRebecca, I've just been catching up with your blog...my a lot has happened! I didn't even know you were expecting! Congratulations!!!
ReplyDeleteArgh! I symphathize with your concerns and worries and pray that the Lord gives abundant grace to you in a difficult time.
ReplyDeleteAlso, call us if there's anything we can do! I don't know if it would trump a relative's house, but you could always take over our living room! :)