Eyes of Steel, Cape of Fur

 

It would be terrifying if it weren't so.... lavender.

Middle March

What fortunate daughters I have, to each have a matching brother to play (and dance) with.  This scene has played through our home many times through the years.  I think Moses might be the most gentlemanly of dance partners, though.  He takes his job very seriously.

When told he CANNOT have another strawberry and white chocolate hot cocoa bomb drink.

(Thank you, Mom.)

by Adele- on iceskates!

So many pictures on this blog highlight a pantless Moses.  He does OWN pants, I assure you.  He just doesn't love them.  And that provides me with easy access to thigh squeezeage, so I don't force the subject.  Look at his hands on his knees!  I die!

The house was a lot sweeter this week as Andrew made his first ever Maple candy!  

It was perfectly done and I am so proud of him.  What a guy.

Mental note: find more silicone shape molds.  They are magical.

Mental note #2: Do not rush popping them out while they are still warm.  

EVEN if you are excited to see how they turn out. (REBECCA!)

This is Corynn on the night I picked her up from her Poiema trip.  So little sleep, so high on happy memories and so covered with little people.

Look at what popped open on one of my orchid plants!  I am good at keeping orchids alive but not so much at getting them to rebloom.  I have intended to learn how to properly care for orchids long term...but never take the time to actually do it.  What a happy winter surprise!

by Adele.  

The better to seeeee you with, my dear!

The better to EEEEEEEEEAT you with, my dear!!!!!

by Adele. 
Included here because it is one of the rare ones that do not include weird faces. 😜
 

The start of a new timber-framing project inside of the old timber-framing project.  

the Timberframer himself

and his apprentice...whose most noteworthy skill is to lose tools

This should hold (and more importantly, cover) our wood supply each winter.  

by Ineke

It is handy to live near other Newmans.  When this many teenagers come over for an AwakeOver (because who is actually sleeping?!), Matt heads to either parents' or a brothers' house to sleep. 

I have been ruminating on the verse on my chalkboard all month long.  

Break up your fallow ground... that part holds me fast.

The Lord blesses us, it is true... but He expects us to be READY for it- to work for it- to anticipate it and to prepare for Him to rain righteousness down upon us.

That looks a lot like toiling in the muck and dirt.  Like sweat.  Like back aches.   Like sweeping out the cobwebs from the Bible and your brain.  Like determining to do right- even when you don't feel like it.  Like humbling yourself before God.  Like seeing how fruitless you have become- how you have ceased striving.

The tendency of women these days (myself included) can often be on a focus of 'grace', 'rest', 'peace' or 'calm'- and while all of those things are good and true, they are good and true in a different context than we often ascribe to them.  Grace for those who wrong you, Grace given to you in order to accomplish what must be done- not leaning upon grace to accommodate your own sins and shortcomings.  Rest in the Lord does not necessarily mean take a day off, sleeping in or a Mom's night out.  It does mean REST IN THE LORD that He is over all things...even the scary ones.  Peace can come in a jail cell and does not require a manicure or a hefty bank account (ask Paul) and Calm is not always what is needed (just ask the moneychangers when Jesus toppled their tables).  

But how many times have I shirked my responsibilities because I was tired?  How many times have I worried about money, clothes, food, this nation, my children, the future?  How many times have I wanted to curl up in a ball rather than roll up my sleeves?  How many excuses have I made for the unfertile ground I have been treading upon?  How many reasons have validated my lack of harvest?How many times have a chosen to tramp down the soil rather than opening it up for the Lord to rain upon?  

So many times.

It reminds me of the time when I heard Rachel Jankovic suggest Women's Retreats should more appropriately be named "ADVANCE!" I loved that.  That is effort, that is getting our hearts and mind prepared for battle, that is fruitfulness.

We have work to do.  From our measly offerings, the Lord will provide the increase.  He will use our fallow ground to bring forth fruits and harvest.  The Lord will rain down His righteousness.  The Lord will make the magic.  We must be ready to receive it.

At least it is pretty

Despite this happening the day before: 

this week THIS happened:

Adele gives new meaning to the term "Snow Showers".

When Corynn left for work she had a bit of a hissy.

This is her in the midst of screaming in disgust 

"WHY IS THERE SNOOOOOW?"

Look at those eyes!  That is the cold, hard stare of retribution, right there.

(I should mention she just returned from a week long trip to through Virginia, North Carolina and West Virginia.  Where she now wants to live.  Over my dead body.)

 Tomorrow we are expecting another 6-10 inches.  One last hurrah of Old Man Winter?  

I sure hope so.

He Still Fits

Raindrop Freckles

 

Delight is a Destresser

You know what I have noticed this past year?

I have stopped taking photos. 

And if I DO take photos, they are dark and grainy and usually out of focus.

To anybody else, this may just be a sign of a new or busy season. But to me, it is almost worrisome.

Taking photos, to me, is almost an act of worship.   It has always been a way to stop the clutter and noise and busyness of life- even just for split second- and to focus in on the details of this beautiful life.  To take notice.  To savor.  To slow.  To appreciate. To give thanks.  To admire a Creator who thought to make stripes in petals or purple-skinned vegetables or freckled noses or dimpled smiles or the smell of roasting garlic or sound of rain on a metal roof; who gave these things to me to delight in.

That's why I have always found that I take as many pictures of food and flowers and sunsets and THINGS as I do people.  (Well, almost.)  Because in the act of slowing down enough to savor that bite of deliciousness sizzling on the stove or admiring the dewdrops dangling from a blade of grass, I am seeing with eyes wide open, the gifts all around me.  And thanking the Giver of such gifts.

It seems like I have been wandering around blindly for quite some time.  And I would like to put a stop to that.

<   abrupt subject change.  Or so it seems.   >

In my efforts to do hard things with my health this year, I am following the recommendations of the book Hashimoto's Protocol.  These next two weeks, continuing with the many unpleasant (and hard!) diet changes and supplementation regimens, the author has an additional focus on the adrenals; on rest, stress reduction and cortisol responses to stress/anxiety.  She recommends 12 hours of sleep each night (ha!), reducing the needs people have placed upon you (haha!), taking a vacation (HA!) and self affirmations in the mirror.  

"I am beautiful!"

"I am worthy!"

"I am succeeding in taking control of my health!"

Only problem is, I am not beautiful... or worthy... and I am completely incapable of making myself healthy apart from God's good grace. 

How can someone tell a total stranger to say they are beautiful and worthy?  What if they are UGLY?  What if they are total losers?  What if they need some serious attitude adjustments?  (If they are affirming themselves in the mirror, there is a good chance that they probably do.)

I despise self- affirmations.  They are stupid.  

Unless they are affirmations that are true:

I am an image bearer of God.  

Jesus is worthy and died so that God could see past our own unworthiness.

God is in control of my health and has provided me with an opportunity to use this gift well and with wisdom and discretion.  The Lord can give or take away and blessed be the name of the Lord.

(I have not yet read the book You Who by Rachel Jankovic but I have read things that she has said on the matter and know that the book must be an absolute gem.  If you want to understand the poison of self-affirmation, read it!)

So..... how is a girl supposed to address her stress and cortisol levels when I have many needy people requiring things of me every day, I can't sleep for 12 hours at a stretch until I am dead, the only vacation I ever get is in my dreams and I loathe the idea of lying to myself in the mirror?

Well.

I plan to take more pictures!

And in doing so, I hope to open my eyes, my mind, my heart to the wonderful gifts that God has given me... to the things that have gone unnoticed for far too long.  To take the focus off of myself, the world, the ugly, the pain, the suffering, the struggle and to focus in on the amazing, the beauty, the abundance, the goodness, the wealth, the GOODNESS of God.

There is nothing more stress reducing than contentedness and gratitude.  

That's gotta be good for the adrenals.  ;-)

2022: Goals for the New Year

Because February is the new January, haven't you heard?!

But first.... a look at last year.  (eek.)

 Last years' goals for 2021 were beautiful to make- but were unable to be accomplished, in many cases, due to the overwhelming nature of the unforeseen events that took place.  In some ways, I succeeded.  In many ways, I failed miserably.

The Lord was gracious and kind to us, allowing us to meet our financial obligations, which were many and overwhelming.  He even provided superficial kindnesses like beautiful couches off of craigslist (making our living room look more 'put together' than it ever has, a kitchen aid mixer, a working washing machine and a repairable sewing machine. 

Rather than MAKE a handmade Christmas gift every month of the year, very early on I changed that goal to "checking off one gift" each month.  Some were handmade, some were store bought... but either way it was very helpful.  It was a real blessing to have that much of a head start come December, particularly given how crazy my autumn was.

One goal was to have families over once a month for intentional game nights.  We did host quite a few families over for game nights- especially the first half of the year- but this did not happen throughout the year.  We did consistently have families over each month for fellowship, worship or fun- and sometimes even with games- but not with the express purpose of playing games.  I discovered that hospitality is not a thing that we need practice on or to make time for... we are doing it pretty constantly throughout the year.  It runs in and through our veins.

I barely squeaked by painting the living room- the week before New Years.  And yes- I painted it white.  (BORING!) But it saved time, taping and a trip uptown.  (I do regret it though and wish I had gone with color.)

Pretty much everything felt like abject failure.  And that is how THAT went.

So what about 2022?  

This is going to sound very selfish and vain but I promise it is not coming from a place of vanity or selfishness.

Here goes:

This year I need to focus on ME.

I have been trying to ignore some serious health issues for the last two years- because doctors never gave me answers when I went, I paid lots of money to doctors who did not give me answers, and then Covid made everything about doctors' offices and appointments downright unpleasant.  My back, spine, and joints make life very unpleasant most days.

I have ballooned to my highest weight (while pregnant even).  I can't seem to lose it- even though I am actually trying to be low carb, cut out sugars and grains, etc.

My hair is falling out of my head.  When I put it in a ponytail- the ponytail is now the diameter of a PENCIL.

I have other issues that you don't need/want to know about.

Point is: something is amiss.  And I really need to stop ignoring it just because it is unpleasant to think about/do something about.

I would like to be able to function in a way that my lifestyle requires. I would like to be healthy.  I would like to be playful and fun for my children.  I would like to be the workhorse I always have been.  I would like to feel my age...not eighty.  I would like to figure out what is wrong with me so that I can correct it to do all the above.  In a nutshell: I would like to use my body for God's glory...and I can't right now.

Also- I would like to have hair.  (Okay, okay.  This may be sheer vanity.)

So this year I am going to focus on myself.

I am going to do hard things.  

Like go to doctor appointments. 

Research and take needed vitamins.

Experiment with dietary changes that might eventually impact my weight. (WHY CAN'T THERE BE A MAGIC PILL!?!)

Pray for healing and answers...and attempt to fix whatever has gotten me to this awful place.

Not any easy list to check off- but I hope by next year, my body will be improved. 

 It is the ONE thing I really, really hope to accomplish in 2022.

Bookishness

A few years ago, I was given a very small, irregularly long and narrow journal as a gift.  I didn't know what I would do with it until I realized it was the perfect size for making lists.  I wondered what sort of list I would want to keep (I get a certain amount of pleasure by throwing away crossed off and accomplished lists) and then it occurred to me it would make a wonderful BOOKLIST.

I could keep track of what I have read and when.  I give stars to those books I find most worthwhile or enjoyable.

I could see first hand that even a slow and steady reading life can and would eventually build up to something more substantial.

Many years from now, my children and grandchildren can look back upon what has fed and formed me.

It's actually been quite wonderful.  I encourage everyone to get themselves a book list journal.

Before my book journal, I would have said I had probably read about 13 books or so this year.  But the number was actually 34!  Strides can be made sentence by sentence, it seems.

Books I Read in 2021:

• Man's Search for Meaning by Victor E. Frankl (a rollover from December-finished in January)
• Wolf Hall by Hilary Mantel
• Black Rednecks and White Liberals by Thomas Sowell
• Slave Narrative: The Life of Fredrick Douglas by (you guessed it)
• Jack by Marilynne Robinson
• Treasure Island by Robert Lewis Stevenson
• The New Trail of Tears by Naomi Shaefer Riley
• Blackout by Candance Owens
• Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury
• The Kitchen Front by Jennifer Ryan
• Watership Down by Richard Adams
• Uneasy Money by P.G.Wodehouse
• O, Pioneers by Willa Cather
• Rainbow Valley by L.M.Montgomery
• The Autobiography of Calvin Coolidge by (you guessed it)
• The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde by R.L.Stevenson
• The Best Cook in the World by Rick Bragg
• My Early Life by Winston Churchill
• When you Rise Up by R.C.Sproul Jr.
• The Death of Ivan Ilych by Leo Tolstoy
• Money in the Bank by P.G.Wodehouse
• A Rationbook Childhood by Jean Fullerton
• Twenty Days with Julian and Little Bunny by Nathaniel Hawthorne
• Young Goodman Brown and Short Stories by Nathaniel Hawthorne
• The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde
• 1984 by George Orwell
• Strong Poison by Dorothy Sayers
• Laughing Gas by P.G.Wodehouse
• The Code of the Woosters by P.G.Wodehouse
• Dorothy L Sayers: A Biography, Death, Dante and Lord Peter by Colin Duriez
• Busmans' Honeymoon by Dorothy Sayers
• My Man Jeeves by PG.Wodehouse
• The Gulag Archipelago Volume 1 by Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn (this I am still working on)
• 12 Rules for Life by Jorden Peterson (this I am still working on)

P.G.Wodehouse basically saved my life this year.  This sounds melodramatic but it was his witty, hilarious and light-hearted writings that lifted up and offered comedic relief to a girl who really, really needed some.  I listened to audiobooks on the way to Rochester and Elmira each week, to visit my Mom in the ICU (3+ hours one way) so I was afforded LOTS of Wodehouse time.  I have thanked God for the man who was Wodehouse many times this year.  Money in the Bank was probably my favorite this year- so many belly laughs. Simon Vance is a masterful narrator. 

I have distinct memories of sitting on the porch last summer with everyone in rocking chairs,  rereading certain bits of The Best Cook in the World to Matt and the children because "you just HAVE to hear this part!"  Rick Bragg is a gifted storyteller to be sure- but his childhood had some remarkable (and often hilarious) stories to tell- which certainly helps.  

The Death of Ivan Ilych was affecting.  Dorothy Sayers was an interesting lady who wrote interesting stories. 

It seems Oscar Wilde painted a portrait of himself in his The Picture of Dorian Gray.

The Gulag Archipelago and Man's Search for Meaning ought to be required reading for Every.Alive.Person.

The 2020's required a reread of 1984 and Fahrenheit 451.  And if one hasn't read them, they also should be required reading.  Pertinent, they are.

Here are some books I hope to read in 2022:

~ Finish reading The Gulag Archipelago: An Experiment in Literary Investigation (Volume 1) by Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn and 12 Rules for Life by Jordan Peterson

~  A Lantern in her Hand by Bess Streeter Aldrich

~ Hard Times by Charles Dickens

~ The Abolition of Man by C.S. Lewis

~ The Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoevsky

~ Paradise Lost by John Milton

~ An Enchanted April by Elizabeth Von Arnim

~ something by Anthony Horowitz (The House of Silk? Magpie Murders?)

~ * I also plan to start a weekly 'Newman Book Club for the Biggles' in which the teens and I go through Mere Christianity by C.S.Lewis.  We may even listen to these talks.*

Of course, if you have any exceptionally good books (in any genre) that you loved... please let me know!  I am trying to be more well-rounded in my reading and I particularly like picking up books that have been recommended to me by interesting and respected people who are well rounded themselves.  

Any books, in particular, you are hoping to read this year?

December

On this dreary, gray and rainy 6th Day of Christmas, I am going to take down what is left of the crispy tree that stands in the living room.

I have been sweeping entire dustpans of needles up three times a day and still more fall!  

Christmas isn't over- but it is time to get this tree outta here.

What better time, on the day the tree comes down, to post pictures of it going up...

Trim the Tree is our traditional 'Snacks for Supper' Night.  It's a big deal.  And the one day I year I eat brie!  

It's also our first taste of Eggnog for the season.

Unless you have friends who buy you stuff on the sly like Corynn.

(a-hem, Millie.  Annie.  Susie. You're on the naughty list.)

Toasting the Light to Come

We got our tree up and our klompen out just in time for St. Nicholas.  

I didn't order (or make) chocolate letters this year which was sad but the Aldi Dutch foods section helped a girl out.  At least there were stroopwafels.

God took our toasting the Light very seriously.

 

I remember doing so many little crafty projects with my Biggles and Middles when they were young and realized I have done VERY few with my Littles.  

Pair that with being gone so often to help my extended family, I know we all covet quality time together.  

So I have been trying to be more intentional with these little people of mine.  Even if it just means gluing gemstones to green paper.   A little thing like that feels BIG right now.

So Gingerbread Decorating Day was HUUUUUUGE.

This face is hilarious to me.  

(Apparently it takes DAYS to make a single blog post.  Happy 8th Day of Christmas today- and Happy NEW YEAR!)