Thursday, October 15, 2009
An Eyeliner Tale
Last week I planned a trip to the ever accomodating WALLY WORLD. I hadn't visited the place in who knows how long. I try to avoid it actually.
Reason 1: It is a good 40 minute drive.
Reason 2: I swear it is impossible to get out of there with a bill of less than $50.00 bucks. IMPOSSIBLE. Even if you have like four things!
Reason 3: It is nearby three other stores that I LOVE, which I then feel obligated to frequent since I "AM IN TOWN AFTERALL".
Overall, a BAD scenario.
Well, a trip could be justified by several larger necessities that are priced best/most accessible at Walmart.
So the childer and I went, because the only time I go shopping is during the day and the only time Matt is not here is during the day.
Because of THIS fact, I have trained my little puppies very well to hold on to the cart and walk beside me.
Never let go.
And they are good little puppies and obey. (Not to say they don't touch things as we walk, or step on the backs' of each others' feet or do other crazy, normal "kidstuff" but thankfully, most of the time they have the hang on part down.)
Hanging On = my shopping sanity
As we walk along, many people stare at us. I wonder if it might be because the children are each walking nicely beside the cart with one hand holding on. Or maybe it is just because they are CHILDREN and CHILDREN ARE SUPPOSED TO BE IN SCHOOL DURING THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY. I don't know.
I can't say as I blame them, I always think the same things only opposite. I admire those ladies who have children walking nicely beside the cart and think (my! Their children are so well behaved!) and I assume right off that if I see older children during my daytime shopping excursions, they are probably homeschooled.
I guess I am just as stereotypical as the rest of 'em.
But I digress.
(I take this moment to interject in order to say: NO. Not all homeschooled children are obedient and not all otherwise-schooled children are disobedient. Of course I understand that, what am I? Some kind of idiot?!)
We were walking along nicely when all of a sudden my feet stop and my ears beg for mercy as a scream vibrates through the store. The scream (a tantrum scream, you must know) causes everyone in my line of view to visibly cringe momentarily and then quickly recover enough to act like nothing happened.
But then. It happened again. Only this time the scream was saying "I want it! I don't WANT you! I HATE you! UGH! I HAAAAAAAAAATTTTEEEEEEEEEEE you!"
ok. right then and there I started trekking it outtathere.
My kids are not perfect. (HA! Is that an understatement!) But I can guarantee you one thing: the thought of saying I HATE YOU to ANYONE, let alone their parents has never even crossed their minds. They are smart, because if they ever tried....oh man.
I escaped as fast as I could and the children were running alongside the cart because they KNEW that they had better hustle too. Even my kids knew the aftermath of such an outburst (or rather, the aftermath that SHOULD have occurred.) would not be pretty and they thought it best to get outta there too.
Unfortunately, they must have been heading our way because the screams continued through a good part of our shopping trip.
So much so, I was practically BEGGING the mother (silently of course) to just go home. Just PLEASE, go home. Do yourself a favor lady. (and everyone else)
Fast forward to the dairy aisle.
Milk is a really low price here! Things are looking up.
Then (angelic music ensues), what do I see?
A cart. With children holding on! Three along the side and one in the seat. OBEDIENT children! A kindred spirit of a mother! Things were DEFINITELY looking up. She was in my way, so I used that as a perfect opportunity to compliment her on her children. We got to chatting.
Yup. They homeschooled. (Man~ I TOTALLY called that one!) In fact, these were just four of eleven children. Ha! Never would have guessed that!
Just when I was again feeling peace, the screamer went down a nearby aisle, still screaming albeit a bit hoarse by now. More like scream/sobbing at this point.
She and I looked at each other and she said, "you know. It's such a shame, it doesn't have to be that way." And I nodded, knowingly.
Parenting isn't easy but it surely isn't torture. Sometimes as parents, we are our own worst enemy.
Now, I should tell you this: Walmart was the last stop after visiting those other three wonderful stores that I love just because I was in the area. By now, my own children were getting tired and dare I say it, cranky?
I knew that I had better get in, get my stuff and get out. For my sake and theirs. But after my little conversation with the Mom of eleven (with the obedient children) and having just nodded in agreement about the importance of discipline and the resulting obedience in children, I knew that NOW was the time to REALLY hustle. How embarrassing would it be to have my children start acting out after all that?!?
So I started walking fast--the LAST thing on my list was eyeliner. I don't wear lots of makeup but I do love some inconspicuous eyeliner. and I needed it bad.
Corynn started stepping on the back of Andrew's feet. On purpose.
I walked faster.
Adele' began to whimper~a sure sign that the inevitable blow up is coming.
I got to the makeup aisle and started looking around for eyeliner. Black. All the while I was thinking about the line I still had to get through to pay. How many people were shopping in the store, waiting in line. It would be another 30 minutes before I got out of there probably.
That thought scared the bejeebers out of me so I grabbed the first and cheapest eyeliner that I saw then I hightailed it outta there.
I practically rode the cart down to the registers and danced my way through them.
But I got out with my confidence still intact.
Only today did I realize (while getting dolled up for tomorrow's self-portraits) that the eyeliner that I had grabbed so hastily was in fact, bright BLUE.
BLUE?!? They still make blue eyeliner?!
I couldn't help but thinking in remorse, that I am now one of their statistical numbers declaring that hideous navy blue eyeliner is, in fact, a product that is in demand.
And worse yet: I spent MONEY on the dumb thing.
I guess I can't let it go to waste...I'll figure SOMETHING out I guess.
Morals of the story:
Don't shop at multiple stores you love BEFORE doing the real shopping.
Don't affirm to a most noble woman how well-behaved children ought to be when your children are on the threshhold of doom and despair.
and, most importantly....
ALWAYS CHECK THE EYELINER LABELS.
You never know WHAT you might get.