Also entitled: Feel Free to Skip This Post Entirely
Right about now is when I am sick to death of old man winter and pining, PINING for spring. Life. AiR. Warmth. Walks. Picnics. SOMETHING.
I find myself, in this last cold homestretch, very unmotivated. Lethargic. and GLUM.
Of course, Smooch isn't helping very much either. For the past two weeks, this is the redundant run-down of my days:
Wake up. Eat breakfast (because I promised to work on that this year). The day passes.
Lunchtime. Feeling RAVENOUS. STARVED. MALNOURISHED. I eat.
1pm...it begins. Nausea. I walk around in a stupor. Not too fast, lest I barf. Or I just sit and stare. It gets progressively worse until dinnertime, when I have to figure on COOKING something while being utterly repulsed by food in general. I make something (some days more elegant than others) and then I sit with the family and watch them eat (and try not to gag). On a good day, I can choke down some yogurt. (I have had about two "good days" these past two weeks. )
SO basically, I am eating yogurt for breakfast and (usually) leftovers for lunch and adamently not eating for the rest of the day. You would *THINK* I would be losing some weight here people. Instead? I have gained nine pounds. NINE POUNDS. NINE POUNDS! You are likely to gain 3-4 pounds by the end of your first trimester (which happens to be two weeks away for me), just so you know.
This is SO not fair. I am in this awful fatter-than-ever phase with a good excuse that nobody knows, so to them I am just fat. (I am not one of the lucky ones who skips that phase, *cough*cough*Bonnie) And when you are standing above the toilet waiting for Ralph, you just aren't feeling very pretty, you know what I mean?
I am normally a glass-half-full type. Cheerful, happy, optimistic. But winter (and first trimesters) screw me all up.
So needless to say, I have got to get myself cheered up.
This, my friends, is why I have been an absentee blogger. I have been struggling with being an absentee WOMAN, too.
It has been FIVE days (gasp!) since I last prattled on about something or another, so I figure I am about due:
* Adele, at fourteen months, *FINALLY* began saying Mama. And since then, she hasn't stopped. She says Mama probably 350 times a day. Over and over again. and LOUDLY. She calls me from across the house or pops 'em off even while I am holding her. It is crazy cute. (and sometimes exhausting) Definitely a gift.
She also says Papa, but she says that in a sweet, whispered, lovely way.
AND (all in the same week, I know!) she now says Andrew. And signs please and thank you.
Of course~ of all the fifteen times I have tried to catch these feats on video tape, not a one has actually caught it on tape.
* Lest you think her only progressing in the verbal department, same week as the words, she walked across the room. A GOOD 12 steps in a row! So last week was a big week for Miss Bunkin.
(she also throws herself backwards for kicks, not giving any regard to what is (or isn't) behind her...in this case...ISN'T. Glad I cuaght her or she would have toppled right off the bed.)
* Two days ago at the start of resttime, I opened up the book RIGHT BEHIND by Nathan D. Wilson and Mr. Sock-ha for a look-sie (which is a parody of the whole Left Behind series), and two hours later put it down....completed. I had read a whole book (albeit with only 105 pages) in one day! This has not happened to me in.....years.
*I want to adopt several Haitian orphans. Which I know all sorts of people are saying. But I have been wanting to adopt orphans from Africa for years...so it is not said flippantly. I wish there was a way....
* Matt and I got in a tiff last night (which I divulge here only for the sake of the story): something about me ording a pizza (yes, I admit it) because I couldn't stomach the thought of cooking which he agreed to because he thought I had been craving it. But then I didn't eat it, only served it, which made him upset because, as he stated: "I want REAL food for supper! I would have cooked something! If we have pizza, I want YOUR pizza-not that junk!) And while I was still upset, I had this weird inkling that I had been given a pretty awesome compliment. Wow. I must make pretty good pizza to be better than a pizza joint? Rock on.
* I borrowed, through interlibrary loan, the fabulous book, REAL FOOD (I always know when I get a fabulous book because Matt steals it from me) and nearly put it down after reading all about our 45 million year ago ancestors eating such and such (on the FIRST page!) which, in my mind, discredits her. But I am glad I didn't because, ignoring all the ridiculous references to our evolutionary backgrounds, there is a WEALTH of information there about food. All sorts of crazy stuff I had NO clue about and some stuff that I just needed affirmation. I knew it and lived it, but didn't know just how GOOD it was that I was doing it. I would highly recommend it-as long as you have the capability of seeing nonsense as nonsense. Thanks to that book, we are now buying organic raw milk. After about one week, it was made blatently obvious that we need a MILK cow. Soon and very soon. Problem is: I am allergic to cows. Not in a esophogus-closing, scary sort of way but a sneezing, swelling, itchy eyes if I smell their dander sort of way. So. Not sure how we are going to work this since Matt is gone so often. But we will figure something out. I *REALLY* want one. (It would work wonders for my crazy yogurt addiction these days too.) And CHEESE! CHEESE!!!!
* I am sick to death of snow crafts. Melting snowmen, included.
*I made Matt the exciting (and absolutely INSANE) promise that if he bought me an electric grain mill, I would from henceforth bake ALL our bread products. Um. Yeah. That is a HUGE, CRAZY promise...but exciting, too. No? Of course, all I would have needed was a base model get-the-job-done, nothing-fancy mill. But MATT had two requirements: It had to have real STONE mills and it had to come with a manual handle (as IF!). As it turns out, mills with his "requirements" were priced up to $1500!! I ended up finding this one for a fraction of that cost: Golden Grain Deluxe Mill for a whopping $500.00 (cough, cough *sputter*sputter). The man has expensive taste when it comes to quality. But considering it's competitors....I *guess* it isn't bad? wow. That't a lot of money. I guess we will be eating storebought wheat for a while yet: He has to fork over some of his hard-earned end-of-the-year bonus and I have got me some saving to do. (Anyone have this machine? Anyone order from this company? I'd love feedback.)
*Smooch got his/her first baby gift! Incidently, I finger those little ears and try to imagine the teeny little head that will fit inside it on a daily basis. And then I think such tinyness would be a good bed for the whole little Thumbelbaby that is Smooch right now, all two inches of him/her.
Thank you Nanci! You are very dear!
*I sorted through my fabric on shelves yesterday and purged myself of excess. I didn't get rid of EVERYTHING I didn't love, because some fabrics would be good for gifts and such, but I did get rid of things that I didn't think I would ever use. And it did make pretty good dent! As I refolded and reorganized the fabric that I was saving, I found inspiration anew to start creating. Made the effort totally worth it.
* Due to the last two bullets, and my incessantly glum state as of late, I have decided to challenge myself to make something handmade every week until spring. I might even make more...but I didn't want to set my challenge up for failure, just in case. For Smooch or not, it is time to get crafty. I will be sharing these things here, of course.
Thus ends your tortured reading of a ridiculously long, not-worth-a-lick blogpost of nothingness.
Have a good day~and enjoy your dinner! ;-)