The problem was~I felt incapable of doing it all (or any of it). My days would pass just as busily as ever, but miraculously, by the end of the day-not a thing could get crossed off my mental to-do list.
I had been BUSY all day long but couldn't quite figure out what I had actually "accomplished".
The result was that I felt exceedingly busy but I didn't know what I was exceedingly busy WITH-all I saw was the masses of "undones", which in turn got me feeling more and more exhausted.
A few weeks ago, when I hurt my back, I had been in the middle of preparing for a yardsale. I wasn't able to do it then and so the boxes stayed pushed up against the walls of our rooms--no way I was going to trudge them back to the attic just to bring them down again in a week or so! Each weekend since has been B.U.S.Y so I still haven't had my yard sale.
And the boxes, they sit still.
And stare me down. I like things tidy and welcoming, and comfortable so for ME, there is nothing so depressing as rooms of cardboard reminders of work that needs to be done. I HATE being stared down by to-do lists. I HATE waking up to boxes that just scream work and going to bed with that being my last sight. I hate feeling...claustrophobic in my own refuge.
It was those yard sale boxes that started it all~my hopeless feeling of clutter. They got me down, so I decided as a remedy-I would organize all the school supplies since the school year is official over. I would also organize the bookshelves since they were so full, books couldn't be returned to them and were instead being thrown on the floor.
Tackling two huge jobs on two levels of the house in addition to the already insurmountable yard sale clutter was just enough to do me in. Besides cleaning the toilets occasionally, I stopped cleaning the bathrooms. Besides the sweeping of barefeet, I stopped sweeping the floors. Besides the occasional book plopping on a coffee-table, furniture stopped getting dusted.
I was just. plain. exhausted.
Well, Matt went out of town this past week and as is usually the case, when he is gone, I can't sleep a wink. Instead, somewhere deep inside me, motivation began to stir and my usually energetic self came back from vacation. And it has been NICE. Still lots to do, still there are yard sale boxes not-so-gracefully lining walls, but I am seeing bits of beauty and refuge in a home that has been void of it for quite a while.
I am ACCOMPLISHING things! And it is good.
This Multitude Monday, I am grateful for.....
~crossed off to-do lists, slow and steady
~ just beginning
He has half the deed done who has made a beginning. ::Oliver Wendell Holmes
~two bathrooms, scrubbed from top to bottom
~floorboards and moldings, no longer dusty
~area rugs, vacuumed
~a stove that is white again
~fresh sheets on the bed, smelling of June winds and lilies
~a tidy nook over the sink
~the smell of lemons and Murphy's Oil Soap
~hardwood floors, mopped.
~that spot, under the office desk that has been covered in dust bunnies, that I stared at every.single.time I came upstairs~that isn't anymore.
~ dusted knicknacks. Dusted shelves. Dusted lamps. dusted furniture. dusted. dusted dusted.
~school shelves, organized
~ a nightstand, cleared and ready for a new batch of books
~ the top of a fridge that squeaks
~the task of purging ones self of excess books. Brutal. Necessary. Done.
~bookcases that actually fit books again
~an organized writing desk
~the bill folder, emptied
~furniture that reflects
~sinks that shine
~mirrors and windows without fingerprints
~laundry on the line and not on the floor
~flowers for the table, in Oma's pitcher
~the absence of stubbed toes on playmobil people
~ the tops of furniture-empty, except for IMPORTANT stuff
~a house that is a refuge, once more
~the feeling of confidence should unexpected visitors arrive
~ the feeling of pride and happiness, whatever room I am in.
~and most especially, the motivation and energy to finally JUST DO IT.
#446 ~ #477 blessings of fruitful work and perseverance, given by the Author of such things.