My heart yearns for opportunity to express my reflections in written form, yet time and opportunity have not allowed for it.
This move is more consuming than I had at first thought and what we thought was a nice straight and narrow view has become cumbersome and curvy-not allowing to see too far into the future. Like a haze, a fog. We can barely see the tips of our toes as we embark on this journey.
Our new home, The Villa, is looking lovely on the outside: but the inside is no further progressed than when photos were snapped a month ago. Still no shower, no TOILET, and no kitchen. Still dust, floating in the sunlight of the rooms and glittering the floor. Still the loud clammer of hammer and nail, meeting together and buzz saw ripping. Our move date has been postponed until Friday morning-but even that is too soon; even a week later than we had originally expected-the house is not ready to welcome us. Or our belongings.
Internal struggles have torn my heart and mind in two and we are in the "Strategy TWO" mode:
Find an alternate place to store our belongings, since we can't put them in the house.
Have access to powder room sundries.
Find a way for Matt to be set up for success at his new work on Monday, while working hard this weekend and in the coming weeks. Can he be fully rested sleeping on the floor amongst dust and showering elsewhere?!
And worst of all: the one thing I made perfectly clear as a contingency before any new job or move was approved, might have to be forced into reality. Moving in with the in-laws. Moving in with ANYONE. It wasn't to be so, I can't bear the thought of it. And yet/
My ways are not His. My plans are fallible and short-sighted.
So- my breath draws tight in my chest, tears trickle up and out, and desperation looms and I am left to wait and see, hope and pray.
I said it before, and mean it more than ever before. Lord, give me strength to endure anything that might come about. Might I not only endure, but do so with grace and ease-and might I be strengthened in the process.