Water trails fall from the sky, sometimes mimicking the trees and at other times, with the tugs of the wind, the horizon. I thank God for the rain that He has sent for the last three days straight...for the gray skies that loom ahead, for the fog and mists and humidity because each droplet is like a gift. Each drip is the gift of a minute~ a minute being devoted to the INSIDE of our Villa. Many minutes have been put inside the house today, coolness pushes aside the curtains as it makes it's way indoors, and plants-newly transplanted are getting much needed nourishment from God's hands, not mine saving me from the daily routine that has become ritual: I gather all the empty milk jugs I can find, fill them, load them in the car, transport the water to our new home and empty them (too quickly) into the parched mouths of the soil, inevitably draining the water supply before satiating any of the plants.
Confession time. My last post had me sitting and pondering for quite a long time. The words came easy enough, it was the self-required task of looking on the bright side of things. Choosing to see the good in the situation. As I tried to think of positive things, good things, wonderful things to reflect on my mind naturally disregarded them for the bad things that seemed to outweigh them. So, my list two days ago was forced and difficult to come by. I am glad that I made myself do it, though, because in time these things came easier to mind and eventually cracked away the wall that I had put around myself in order to protect myself from anything else that might hurt me. That list was the impetus I needed to change my focus. After all, we are the ones who hold the power of perspective.
We can choose the way we see things and we can fix our views to create more good and more beauty. IF we are willing to DO something about our thoughts, rather than wallow in our self-appointed pity and powerlessness. Admittedly, at times it is easier and safer to wallow but the reward is lacking and the despair will just continue to grow. The effort put forth, the work, and the change of perspective can change your life. You are able to move forward, smile easily, find hope and approach things in a more positive way. I was feeling the victim in my own life circumstances, forgetting of course that WE have the power to choose how we want to live. WE choose how to react when things happen to us. WE decide whether to allow it to break us or build us up.
After my last post, I was able to see clearly how much power I have in my own self to determine my disposition. God decides my circumstances and I decide how I react to them. DO I cling to HIM or become broken and tattered? Do I look at the dirt and dust around and covering me or do I look UP at the rain that is washing it all away?
My eyes have been opened to the beauty of my circumstances, and here is what I CHOOSE to see:
The monarch butterfly dancing and drinking on sweet pink cups of nectar.
The round green orbs, hanging on the gnarled branches of the apple trees, suckling and finding nourishment from the Mama tree. Preparing for fall and their place in the turning of the seasons.
The huckleberries, juiced to perfection, heavy on their branches. Competing with the birds to gather them for consumption and preservation.
The sweet, refreshing rain that sings it's quieting song on the windowpanes and rooftops.
The beautiful landscaping around my mother-in-laws yard. She is an artist and her palette, her masterpiece is evident as soon as the gravel crackles under tire when you've arrived.
Spending yesterday morning sorting, cleaning and organizing our suitcases and essentials-clearing floorspace and making things orderly and beautiful.
Driving Matt to work and stumbling upon a house that sold wildflower bouquets for $2.50 from their garden. I bought one for myself and one for my mother-in-law; there is nothing better to cheer me than flowers. I cleared a spot next to my bed and in view from the window and door, moved a lace doily over and laid the solitary necklace I have unpacked at it's feet. The bouquet is in a drinking glass-but one wouldn't notice with the hydrangea, pink echinachea, and colorful snapdragons that sprout gaily from it.
Watching two children sleep, legs and arms intertwined with one another, on one bed.
Feeling the breeze of a window fan on my face each evening and hearing Matt's exhausted "I love you" muttered just seconds before he is fast asleep.
The smell of sweet basil, bought from a greenhouse and replanted for my own use. The dreams of delicious pesto made from its leaves.
I feel as though life is much easier now. I feel as though I have more control of myself and my actions, and that I CAN handle what will come. It may not be perfect, but it will be beautiful because I choose to see it for its beauty.