What you do in your house is worth as much as if you did it up in heaven for our Lord God. We should accustom ourselves to think of our position and work as sacred and well-pleasing to God, not on account of the position and work, but on account of the word and faith from which the obedience and the work flow. ~ Martin Luther

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Mourning


Tape rolls in every room. Brown paper covering the floor. A little girl wakes up every morning, excited and beaming "Let's get packing!" and the rest of the day, she hoards the markers, anxious to do her job. Boxes filled and lining walls; boxes empty, piled high and waiting to be made useful. Everywhere-cluttered, yet newly bare. Exposed. Naked.

The walls are being stripped of their beauty as I carefully wipe the dust off of picture frames-printed memories, wrap them up and hide them in a dark box. My very few 'pretties' were the first to be packed away-because, they aren't really necessary to live by. Right? Books are being boxed-with just a shelf or two left free lest we go mad.

Everywhere, decisions. What would be wise to pack now? What are the things we use least? What might we need access to right away?

Thinking ahead...yet reminiscing. I tuck away our wedding picture and stumble upon a pile of congratulations cards from Andrew's birth. I carefully wrap the silver tray that was a wedding gift for Oma and Opa, then passed along to me. Covered with brown, their wedding photo is wrapped along with some old photos from Matt's side of the family. Toys are happily thrown in boxes. I'm happy to be rid of picking them up for a week or two.

All around, I am tucking away my life. One box at a time. The house that was our home is becoming foreign. Unwelcoming. Sad. Pitiful. It doesn't make me happy anymore. The blank walls stare back at me, glaring in anger at our abandonment.

For a long time, I thought how sad and plain our house is. How important things on the wall are to making a house feel lived in, comfortable and beautiful. I see though, it isn't the home that makes us happy, it isn't even the things IN the home. These thinga are treasures that only we hold dear, for sure but the true beauty of our home is the tapestry of love that was woven here, the memories that were bonded together. The things we use to decorate are not the things of beauty, it is the memories that they hold. The potholders that have decorated each kitchen I have ever used. The cookbook that I bought before I was married, inscribed " Rebecca Cantrell, soon-to-be Newman. 2001

It is sad to say goodbye to a part of your life, even if it is done while looking forward to your future. To close a chapter in your life book. It is not without sadness that the boxes are filled. Many tears have been shed on my part. I have felt overwhelmed. Not just with the huge task set before me of packing and preparations, but overwhelmed with all that must first be "let go" before we can move on. All that must be sacrificed, even for a time, for our future.

I am no longer surrounded by our memories, but brown paper. The good and beautiful is being packed away and the ugly is taking its place.

There is much more work to be done~ much more still left to do. Many more goodbyes. More time I must live among paper and boxes.

Knowing that it will all be over in just a few weeks doesn't seem to help any, either.

8 comments:

Mrs. Bonnie said...

You're making me sad just reading this! And that makes me think it's just pregnancy hormones, plus the fact that you are having a hard time envisioning how it will all look in your new place, since the last time you saw it, it was a um, a bit "rough". Keep your chin up, and chugging along, as you said yourself , it will all be over in a few weeks, and you'll probably look back on your packing with a smile, wondering why it seemed so unending.
On another note, I am about to go post a really lame, not very good belly shot, just for you. Its kind of an awkward angle, because if our camera has a timer, its very well hidden.

Mrs. Hurzeler said...

I am sorry you are sad, I would help you if I could. One thing I would suggest is to make a box with cleaning supplies, one box with clothes/toilitries, and one box with cooking stuff/couple cans of something to cook for those first few days. Put those three boxes at the end of the Uhaul, or truck or whatever, so that you can take them out, and have access to the most important things. God Bless.

Tracy said...

My husband often feels like you are when we leave a home. He thinks about all of the memories that were made in each home, and how he'll miss it once we're gone. I'm so task oriented that I can't wait to get done with the packing and moving. I think it keeps me from getting overly sentimental.

Brenda@CoffeeTeaBooks said...

We moved many, many times to follow my husband's career.

I always started my packing with the "treasures", those things that make my heart sing. Within a couple of days, my former home no longer looked like "us", anymore.

It was always proof to me that the details were important. But then again, once we arrived at the new place and I began to hang up favorite pictures, place the familiar accessories all around, put the books in the shelves, and serve dinner on the favorite plates... we were home, no matter what the geography. :)

Grandma Bibby said...

Packing up your home and having the house seem less like home will help you leave it in the end. And then it will seem like Christmas to the kids when they open their toys once again. They will be so thrilled to have them once again, that they will play with them for hours. And you will look at all your things as you unpack them with fond memories of days gone by. We are so happy for you in the move. Will your new place be ready? We will be praying for you as you decide where to worship. It is an important decision with lots to think about - more than one topic to help you decide. :-)

Andie said...

Rebecca, by the time my hubby and I celebrated our 4th wedding anniversary, we were in our 5th home. I know what it is to move on, to look forward to something new, but yet long for the old, the comfortable, the framiliar. I know the hard work of packing up your life, your home, your memories. But one great part is that you will always have those memories! They will go everywhere with you. I will be praying that you make it through the hard work of packing, and then unpacking!

Blessings-Andie

Michelle said...

You don't know how much I understand the thoughts you put down right now...

Stefanie said...

How eloquent! I've just been through all those thoughts and emotions which you so wonderfully put down in words. Now I'm unpacking and having a lot of the thoughts over again.
One step at a time, the boxes are being emptied and I look forward to the new memories.
Looking back I see how each place I have lived has shaped me so much.
Good luck with the new place!