Sneak Peek: Mother's Day Photo Session

A few pictures from a photo session I had a week or so ago...

Those two shots above were two out of like, oh, 15 pictures that all looked something like this:

Four year olds can be challenging to photograph!  Hilarious, but challenging.

About this time, Little Mister got cranky.  So Mama had to hold him.  Mama's make everything better.







And then he conked out.

It was fun to do some real photography again.  It has been a while.

May things

 May is a wonderful month, isn't it?  Everything is beautiful in May; after a season of white and then brown, any color at all is beautiful-even just the fresh green of grass. I have fully convinced myself that blooming lilacs are my very own birthday present from God.

I took these pictures before last weeks' big frost, knowing I would probably not get to enjoy them afterwards.  BUT- while the frost did wreck havoc, it didn't wreck TOTAL RUIN and I have been able to enjoy plenty of lilacs in every room.  Even a few PURPLE ones from friends!  Happy, happy girl am I.

After the lilacs finish blooming, I have some serious trimming back to do.  My bushes have been neglected for years and have grown so massive and so invasive.  I hope to cut them back to two manageable bushes and trade with friends a few white baby plants for a few purple baby plants.  Someday I hope to have the whole gamut of lilac colors here at Hopestead.

The apple trees looks SO wonderful too, which is laughable because Matt was SURE I killed them  the last time I pruned them.  I don't know how the apples will be, but the blossoms were GORGEOUS and lush.

My parsley over wintered, my perennials are looking lively, I just planted six rhubarb plants (oh yes I did- SIX of them!) and this very day I had a new plot dug for an asparagus bed.  I planted two red raspberry bushes, a few blueberry bushes and a thornless blackberry back behind the tree house last month.  I am trying to figure out a good place to put an orchard and grape arbor.  All these things make me ridiculously happy.

One thing I love about Matt is that he has said (and truly MEANS) I can do WHATEVER I want to the place- and I am truly happy to making these little changes because I feel like I am making MY mark on the place.  This place has been marked by Newmans for generations and had Newman blood running through it and so it can often feel like it belongs to THEM.  I am an outsider, you know...married in.  But with every perennial I plant, I feel as though it is becoming a place of my own, a place where I BELONG, a place that I have made.

I know how ridiculous this sounds.  Planting asparagus and pruning apple trees shouldn't evoke such sentimentality, but it does for me.   Call me crazy.  I am.

 But I think it is a good crazy.

WeekEnding

Tomorrow I am getting up early and going yard-saling at a huge annual community yard sale with my sister (and hopefully, Mom!), stopping by a church that has an annual perennial sale which I NEVER miss(perennials for pittance!), then a college graduation party in the afternoon and church communion bread baking in the evening.  On Sunday, we are having a church picnic after church so I need to figure out what to make for that too.

And somewhere, in the cracks and crevices of the weekend, I must eek out time to prepare garden beds and contend with our weed issues.  And, clearly, they ARE issues.

What are your plans for the weekend?  Whatever they may be, I hope yours is a happy one!

Pretty.Happy.Birthday

I woke up yesterday another year older.   And though the day didn't go *quite* as planned, I have to say, it was a pretty swell birthday.

{pretty}

 Birthday scones on the special birthday plate.  With kiwi and fresh pineapple because I love them.  And bacon, for the same.

{happy}

 Corynn stitched me up a leaflet of poems about Mothers.  Dripping with sap- just the way I like it.  The girl knows me.

 I got FOUR envelopes in the mail.  FOR ME.  And not a bill among them.  I love, love, love receiving mail so I totally count this as a (four) present(s).


{funny}

 My eyes are incredibly alien-like which can, admittedly, make for a funny picture.  Not so funny in real life though.  (Ps.  Those earrings I am wearing was the first Christmas gift I ever received from Matt...back when he bought me jewelry!  They came in an inscribed heart jewelry box  which I was CERTAIN held an engagement ring.  But alas.  I had to wait almost a whole year before that!) 


I didn't know until about 1:00 in the afternoon whether we would be able to go out to dinner or not.  When I found out, I emptied the refridge of all its' leftovers and made a first rate, pathetic looking meal for the children to eat with the babysitter.  I felt kinda bad.

And then I ate this... and I felt bad again.



But when I got home, they all RAVED over supper.  It was SOOOOOO good, said they, and I once again thanked God for giving me such easy-to-please, happy-go-lucky children. 


{real}

I made my own cheesecake because Matt had work he had to do the night before.  My birthdays' eve was a bad night in general and I was in a melancholy mood and not feeling at all like making my own cake- so I threw it all together and only after it was too late did I remember that cheesecake really can't be THROWN together.  Hence a cheesecake with white cream cheese flecks in it, most noticeable in the chocolate layer.  It didn't look professional but it still tastes pretty good.  (Can cheesecake taste bad?)

We went to Texas Roadhouse for dinner which is, as it turns out, a Texas-sized RIP OFF...(but nothing beats their rolls and honey butter!) and outside the restaurant was a beautiful flowering tree.  I don't really like this picture all that much for a number of reasons, but I post it here anyway because it takes an awful lot for Matt to stand by a tree IN FRONT OF PEOPLE and have his picture taken and I'd hate for him to have done it for nothing.  So, for the moment, I will disregard the fact that my head is bigger than my body and three times as big as Matt, the fact that my hair is (as usual) wonky and that Matt looks like he hates his life and instead I will focus on the fact that:  We got a picture together!  In a public place!  With PEOPLE around us!!

Four Eyes (or Sixteen)

We just got back from the optometrist and spent way too much on glasses. 

But QUALITY costs.

Overexposed

These pictures are all super blown-out and over-exposed, but you know what?  I love them anyway. I don't know why.  Because Judah is just a big 'ol HOSS and can push tractors weighed down by brother and sisters?  In his skivvies no less?!  Because that is JUST the face Little Addie Mae gives when she is happily surprised at something?   Because Andrew and Corynn bear those very same expressions every day?  Because those purple/pink flowers are the first posies to bloom in my flower circle?  Because those wisps of white crowning a pale little bud of a girl?  Probably all of the above.

 How was your Mother's Day weekend?

I spent my Mother's Day gathering armload after arm load of not-quite-opened lilacs into the house and into vases to spread around the house.  I've been looking so forward to lilacs which I haven't enjoyed in ever so long (last years' were zapped by a late frost before they even came close to blossoming) and whose smell happens to be one of my most favorites.  Tonight is supposed to be a killing frost which makes me so sad!  Tonight I will gather all the tarps and blankets I can find and try to cover the lilacs and apple blossoms up but just in case, I have plenty of vases scattered around the house. It is snowing at this very minute. 

Snow in May.  Ridiculous.

And as I plucked baby flowers to save them from a cruel fate...I pondered.

After the last few weeks and all the anxiety of not knowing what was wrong with me  (and assuming the WORST, naturally), I spent my Mothers' Day a bit more reflective than in previous years.  Being a mother is such a joy and such a gift- but with that gift and that joy there is a deep commitment and responsibility that is...dare I say it?... daunting.  As I was considering (what I deemed to be) imminent death, all I could focus on were all the things I SHOULD have done.  I felt gripping fear as I considered "Have I done enough to train my children to love the Lord?  Have I been a good witness to them, a good testament of Christ?  Have I prepared them for life without me but with Christ?  Has my life helped or hindered the gospel in my childrens' lives?"  It is scary to know that there is only so much time to do what you are meant to.  Oil lamps aren't always at the ready.  Sometimes we just get lazy.  Sometimes we just get tired.  Sometimes, the schoolwork or the housework or the yardwork or the ANYTHING gets more attention than the most important things.

When you are a mother, every single day is a gift, but also an obligation.  And knowing that I am put in charge of God's children and have only so much time to do what needs to be done, adds a certain fervor to the equation.  May God grant us mothers unending love and compassion to fulfill our calling, eyes open and grateful hearts for the love and blessings that the Lord has poured out for us,  also wisdom overflowing and a zeal to live for Him and to do His work. 

That is, after all, why we are here.

No other success in life-not being president, or being wealthy, or going to college, or anything else- comes up to the success of man and woman who can feel that they have done their duty and that their children and grandchildren rise up and call them blessed.  

                                                                    ~~Theodore Roosevelt

Pretty, Happy, Funny, Real

It has been several weeks since I linked up with {P.H.F.R} so I thought it was high time to do it again.

Before I do, though, I have to say- THANK YOU for all of your who chimed in with encouraging words about my new health issues and especially, for any prayers lifted up on my behalf.  I appreciate them so much and have read and re-read through the comments a shameful amount of times.  As many of you said, I am trying to ease my way back/find my new "normal".  This may mean less blogging, as I try to take unnecessary things off my plate OR it may mean you see MORE of me- as I find myself with more 'leisure time' BECAUSE I have taken things off my plate.  Either way, I am sitting down a lot more these days and precariously close to becoming a lazy bum.  :-)  I have many people saying 'don't over do it!' so I think it will be highly unlikely that I could, even if I should want to.

Thank you.

Now, on to Pretty, Happy, Funny, Real.  Because I know you were waiting with bated breathe...

{Pretty}

 

My sister-in-law picked a gorgeous get-well bouquet from her yard and brought it to me, along with dinner for the family.  Lovely.  The flowers and the gesture.

{Happy}

 

Ever since the foundation work, I have wanted a sidewalk.  The winter found me slipping on ice mound, the spring found me sliding on mud mound and then recently, Matt made me a sidewalk.  I am so HAPPY about this sidewalk, you have no idea.  

{Funny}



My poor seedlings.  They have had a miserable time of things this year and yet they trudge through.  Though I bought the supplies I never did get my lighting shelf.  (Lucky Bonnie!)  Then, despite my better judgement, I used popsicle sticks to marker plant types instead of writing it right on the cardboard like I usually do.  All for the sake of a picture too.  (Vanity!)  Well, within two days a certain two-year old had plucked all the sticks from their respective spots and left me with a pile 'o' plants unnamed.  That was irritating (more than a bit.)  The latest torture my poor seedlings have had to endure came at the hands of said two-year-old again...this time as he laughingly plucked their heads off.  And no, not just one or two.

I put this in the FUNNY spot because I know that SOMEDAY it will be funny....like when I am 95.  Remind me to laugh then, okay?

I am probably going to be buying more plants than I thought this year.  Like, all of them.  (This is me- letting go of things.)

{Real}

 

After one of my hospital visits and before the children came back home, I laid on a blanket in the beautiful warm sun while Matt mowed the lawn and promptly fell asleep, during which time my unaccustomed winterskin went into sun shock.  Please, no comments about skin cancer.  I know sunburns are bad.  Very bad.  I didn't mean to do it.  I didn't want to do it.  I don't LIKE being the butt of the 'what's red, white and ___________" jokes.  I won't do it again.  (Cue Matt's laughter in background.)  But it seems I am incapable of welcoming spring without at least one fire-engine red burn.  Argh.  

Feeling like a Ladybird

 
What a crazy five days it has been.

We were expecting company on Thursday.  You know them- the family whose barn burned down- and were so excited to get to see them.  Matt took off work on Thursday and Friday so that we could have a good looong weekend of visiting and fun.  The house was cleaned.  The sheets were all fresh.  Much of the food was ready (so I could spend more time visiting and less time working).  All was set. 

And then I had to go and screw EVERYTHING up with two emergency room visits!



It has been an emotional five days, a SCARY five days... an EXHAUSTING five days.  And I didn't even have a weekend of good company to show for it!

I have explained the ordeal(s) a million times to a million doctors/nurses/family members and I just can't bear to re-live the torture.  So let's just suffice it to say, Matt and I have endured two episodes that had us both thinking 'heart attack' even though 'heart attack' and '30 years old' don't quite seem to fit together in the same sentence.

In five days I have gone from feeling great to feeling like I was going to die, from feeling excited to feeling utter despair as I tried to mentally prepare myself and Matt for getting along without me, from being strong to being so weak that I could do nothing but shake like a leaf and stare blankly off into nothingness.  It has been a scary ride. 



Turns out, my 'episodes' were NOT heart attacks and for that good news I am extremely thankful.  (Understatement alert!)  My heart is apparently fine, among other things.  (I was tested for quite a few things and all were gratefully returned back to me with fine and dandy results.)

But I do have to make some changes to my life and I am not sure how that is going to flow since everything in my life that I DO, I enjoy doing.  (Except, you know, cleaning toilets and washing dishes- but these, I suppose, ARE necessary.)  I want to be physically ABLE to do everything I always do- but I don't feel very much like it these days.  Knowing just how different I am from my 'normal' is the scariest part (now that I know I am not going to die, that is.)


I am left in unfamiliar territory.  I feel kinda like I am teetering like this little ladybird, not sure where to go from here-so just holding on for dear life.  I am feeling very weak (when I am used to being strong) and very lazy (when I am used to being hard-working) and very afraid that those 'used to be's' might not become 'once agains'. 

Weakness is a not a good attribute to have when there is a garden to put in...

 

Living

 

 

Isn't it easy to take living for granted?  To assume, even subconsciously, that you are in control of your life?  That if you eat well and drive well and exercise well and do everything *just so* that you are making your life better/longer/controlled?  And when we live as if we have ANYTHING at all to do with living, we lose the opportunity to see the huge gift that living REALLY is.

My birthday is coming up- I will be 31.  31 years old is young.  At first thought, 31 is TOO young to worry about things like, oh, DEATH.  But on the other hand, my life is 31 years longer than I could have had...

Reminders like these are often unpleasant, but even THEY are gifts....because I can look at my children, my husband, the grass getting mowed, salamander pets, smoke swirls, and petals in glass and see them for what they are...things I may not get tomorrow. 

Life is a gift.  I have opened up millions of moments that I never deserved and I hope to open millions more.   And if I don't, then I still can't complain.  Life isn't fair.  Because FAIR means I never would have had any of it.

Life is GOOD.