Ranting and Raving...

I have a huge list of things to do today…and several of them are projects that require a LOT of work. This week I want to start focusing on crafting for my upcoming shows, but before that, I wanted to have the house completely finished so I wouldn’t get behind. Not this time, I guess. I decided to ditch the list today, because all night last night and so far this morning, my stomach has been aching in a way that I don’t remember ever feeling before. I can’t, in good conscience, overwork myself and possibly cause harm to Peanut. So-I am going to do what I can realistically, and not worry about it otherwise. Yesterday, at the close of church service, I suddenly felt like I was going to throw up, then I saw stars before it turned black. I sat down just as I couldn’t see anymore. It is a weird feeling, almost passing out. I wonder, how can you feel like the room is spinning if you can only see black? That happened once to me while I was pregnant with Corynn but I was 7 or 8 months pregnant at the time. It was at a store, and I was able to fall into a chair instead of on the floor. That was cutting it REALLY close-because I was BLIND for a seemingly long time-my mom had to guide me to a chair (thankfully, we were in the furniture section of the store) before the last phase-of actually passing out, started. Who knows why these things are happening. Don’t know. I am not worried about it, just erring on the side of caution.

As for Peanut. He/She is doing remarkably well. Despite the unpleasantries of an initial pregnancy visit with an OB/GYN (namely, all those intrusive exams and blood tests etc.) I had a great time on Thursday. The doctor was SUPER nice-I like him A LOT. (He is AWFUL short, which made me feel VERY awkward as we walked down the hall together…) He did give us an ultrasound and took his time with it, and really let us revel in the glory of our wee one. Corynn’s first ultrasound , she looked more like a little jelly bean with arm stumps. Peanuts’, though, was amazing! It was taken several weeks later, and as you will see, looks VERY much like a baby-if you look closely, you can even see the mouth ! I LOVE ultrasounds…just love them. I am SO glad Doctors do them more frequently now. I have been pouring over books-tracking the development of Peanut each week, I have started the baby journal for him/her, I think about it ALL the time, but NOTHING-nothing at all can make it MORE real than to see you child within you, moving it’s little arms or legs-or in Peanuts’ case, the WHOLE body! Matt is sure that it is a boy since it was moving around like it was.

Wanted to boast-just a little bit. In one day last week…well, the day I posted the apple question, I was able to make 13 jars of Apple Butter, 15 quarts of Applesauce, and some Spagetti Sauce also. I did ALL of that in ONE day. Not peeling the apples was the only reason I could-and what accomplishment I felt! After spending the day at it, I stayed up until nearly midnight. I got a sudden energy boost, so I washed, dried and put away all the dishes, bleached the sinks, cleaned the counters, swept and cleaned the floor, took out the garbage, and organized everything until the kitchen was positively GLEAMING. It occurred to me, how blessed we are as I sat there looking at all I had done. How many people who rent have access to so many free berries, apples, and such? How many people take an interest in canning? How many people want to can but can’t? The Good Lord gave us all that we needed-willing hearts, able hands, and the means to do it. And now we are well stocked!

We got our family pictures done-and boy am I disappointed! The lady was a putz and Corynn was not cooperating. Needless to say, I am not impressed. I am not even sure I want to give anyone these pictures. grrrrrrr. I am actually toying with the idea of just taking one with my camera and making copies-but then we will have wasted money. I don’t know.

My little bro. Cameron was rushed to the emergency room last night because he fell in a weird way while playing outside and actually broke his elbow very seriously. They had to do surgery on him and put a pin in his arm. He is only four years old. I hope I never have to deal with that, but I know that I will. Especially with my children having the father that they have. It’s inevitable. Cameron is doing well now though and is actually home from the hospital.

Well, that is the update on my life. Matt is gone and hasn’t called to tell me where he is, if he got there safely, or what. I am half expecting a cop to show up at my door. Last night, my dreams were filled with the reality of him dying. Ah yes. My mind is screwed up-but he ought to know that by now, and act accordingly. I hope to see him soon. I hate being away from him. Another great mystery for me is, how can you miss someone SO much that you just saw? I saw him yesterday, but now I am just filled with that empty ache like I haven’t seen him in ages.