As the end of the school year approaches, my thought have turned toward some retrospection. For several weeks now I have really been considering how this school year has gone~ where my weaknesses (they are many!) are, what needs to change all the while actively giving thanks for those things that are really going well.
My conclusion to all this retrospect is...I STINK at this whole homeschooling thing! ha, ha (I think.)
I just found a notebook I had prepared for myself in 2005, when Corynn was three. In it, I had carefully outlined my goals for her entire kindergarten/first grade experiences. I had typed out memorization exercises, poems and stories all recommended by A Well-Trained Mind and from Veritas Press.
It was laughable how far I am from that list. Well, laughable in the sense that if I didn't laugh I might cry.
Though my plans for this year included lots of memorization, science experiments, an art/craft program, a study of famous artists and painters, the beginning of the Story of the World history program, and a plethora of nature readers/projects, my focus has been so intent on math and reading this year that I am sorry to say most of all that wonderful "fluff" never even happened. Or happened very inconsistently.
Sure we did craft projects and there was PLENTY of drawing on a daily basis---but what about studying Rembrandt?! Sure we listened to Mozart---but WHAT ABOUT making his biography?!? Sure, the children know all about our current president---but WHY do they not have the first 15 memorized?! I am, of course, being a bit facetious, but I truly *DO* find value in these "extraordinary" things and know my children could be happily challenged with subjects OTHER than math and reading. Truth is, I have fallen short in those areas.
But for each evening dimmed by failures, a morning arises of fresh mercies.
For a few weeks now, I have been diligently trying to broaden my scope of teaching and we are all the better for it. I feel more capable of picking up the slack and working determinedly these last few months of school.
Though I can not muster schooling through the summer in the same capacity as educating in the winter (impossible with my gardening/harvesting/preserving chores that keep me in the kitchen or garden all day), I do hope to implement a more consistent, relaxed approach during this summer to feature some of the wonderful bits I missed out on these last few months. Not tedious book work, but truly inspiring education.
That is my goal. For the next few weeks I will be scratching out plans and trying to discover ways to do just that in a way that will be both probable to achieve and delightful to enact.
Lest all this talk of "not enough" is giving the wrong impression~ all is not failure!
Corynn started out the year struggling over itty bitty Bob books. I remember closing my eyes and counting just to keep my sanity as she stared blankly (and indefinitely) at the sounds we had just been working on, trying to figure out how to say them. I remember biting my tongue while thinking "WHY are you not GETTING this?!? We have been over this 100 times!." and wondering (silently) which of us was the incompetant.
I knew it had to be me. I knew I just had to be an awful teacher. I just KNEW I was NOT cut out for this whole homeschooling thing.
Problem is...it's the only option for our family. If I was a bad teacher, well then, I had better buck up and learn how to be a good one, because this is the (excellent) plan that is going to be carried out for our children. Ready or not.
So I swallowed my tongue, sat on my hands, and plastered a smile on my face while I internalized my fears and just kept trudging through.
I am happy to report those little leaves that began with titles like Mat the Cat have evolved into books about Anne Bradstreet, The Black Plague, the Wright Brothers, Cyrus the Archer, Queen Elizabeth and the like.
5 page books with approximately 1.3 words per page, those books that nearly made me lose my MIND with impatience, are now replaced with chapter books like Magic Tree House.
My girl is six, not impressively young for learning to read. I know several three year olds who are already reading (pshaw!) which doesn't exactly help with the feelings of inadequacy and some six year olds who are reading 6th grade material (double pshaw!!), but what I see when I stop looking at everyone else and start looking at my girl is this:
- A girl who is curling up throughout the day to read her own books on her own time, just because she wants to.
- A girl who can add voices and inflection to her reading, really becoming a PART of the story.
- A girl who will read to brother and sister in the backseat of the car and have them rivoted.
- A girl whose wardrobe of imagination as been opened, and her mind is being ignited at the possibilities bound between pages . The magic is HAPPENING. My goal is being FOUND.
- A girl who asks a question then finds a book to answer it.
- I have discovered a girl who has a *LOVE* of reading, a PASSION for learning, and ultimately, that has been my hope all along.
SO-even though Mozart didn't get his biography and the children haven't built replica's of the Nile, I won't be too hard on myself. I feel success.
Home education for us has never been about having the most intelligent child on the planet. It has been about instilling a LOVE and passion for learning the TRUTH (and being inspired by it); a philosophy that will endure a lifetime.
And I see these things happening despite my own inadequacies. Praise God.