What you do in your house is worth as much as if you did it up in heaven for our Lord God. We should accustom ourselves to think of our position and work as sacred and well-pleasing to God, not on account of the position and work, but on account of the word and faith from which the obedience and the work flow. ~ Martin Luther

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Undecided



Where to begin?

I'm feeling a bit glum this day, which is really quite foolish given the events of the day.

Shall I go over them?

~ I woke up, turned over, and snuggled into my wonderfully cozy and warm hubby this morning. After sleeping in. There was no hurried goodbye whispers-or footsteps on the stairs at O-dark-thirty. This is because~ my wonderfully cozy and warm hubby took the rest of the week off. Or, at least the three days surrounding the HOLIDAY that he got off automatically with his new job. I stayed in bed and massaged my Bunkin, smiling to myself as I heard him getting the kids breakfast this morning-and heard them shouting their dreams and interrupting each other in their excitement that Papa was home. It was a nice way to get out of bed, even if their excitement hurt MY ears, a whole floor above.

~We picked up our newly purchased new (to us) VAN this morning~so the WHOLE Newman family can ride-get this- ALL TOGETHER-once Bunkin comes. It drives like a dream and is wonderfully, amazingly spacious. AND~ I don't have to crouch down and lumber into the low seat of a small Chevy Cobalt ANYMORE.

~ I got grocery shopping done-including stocking up on .49c Turkey meat and Buy 1 Get 2 Free deals. And I paid half price for loads of bread at Aldi. And I went to CVS, spent $40.00 and have about $70 worth of ECBS-plus lots of goodies. And I went to the library. All these things, during NAPTIME which means: alone. Which is, no doubt, why I actually was able to LOOK for deals like that.

Overall, it was an incredibly good day.

Yet~ glum I am. There is a heavy burden weighing on me and I just can't seem to discover the solution.

The burden?

Thanksgiving.

My Oma, if one recalls, is quite sick with ANOTHER bout of cancer. This time, the worst of the worst. The prognosis is grim, to say the least. "Three to Six months"-bleak declarations, from educated minds. To put a timeframe on a life~it is a horrible thing. Following days and weeks string of host of holidays, each of which is being considered the final pearl. Oma's last Thanksgiving. Her last birthday. Likely, her last Christmas and the final stepping into a new year. All the family is gathering together this Thanksgiving. All are coming to celebrate her life, and show gratitude for her in OUR lives. I was to be among them. All would be well, thought I, since Bunkin would SURELY deliver by THEN.

But Bunkin is cozy and contented for now, and I am left with a very hard decision. A predicament. One that I am not wise enough to decide the outcome of.

Should I go, large with child, three hours from home, midwife, and all that is familiar~ to be near those dear to me~ knowing that the midwife anticipates a more speedy delivery considering all my nights filled with contractions? Should I chance it, having no idea when Bunkin should decide to greet the world?

My mind says an emphatic no. My heart says otherwise.

On the other hand, it is quite possible that Bunkin will continue to enjoy his/her home within. Babies are born later than their due dates every day. A due date, after all, is just an educated GUESS. How horrible would it be, NOT to go, only to give birth a week later? Futile. Pointless. and just plain AWFUL.

The other option is to go to Matt's parents' house for their annual shin-dig but that seems so....superficial to me right now. And I LOVE my in-laws. But, I know that there is something much larger this year. I know that I will find it hard to be grateful among the food and football~knowing that I will be missing out on the FAMILY. The life. The love. And the thanksgiving to God.

Then of course, the last option: that I go into labor ON Thanksgiving. But, I really can't imagine hospital stuffing as that delectable. And Turkey on a styrofoam plate? That is just plain wrong. Certainly not worth the bill, in my estimation.

Bunkin has surely complicated things this year-and I only wish I knew what was best to do.
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6 comments:

Quinne said...

Hi Rebecca :) I am praying with you as you decide what to do...

And I am so sorry to hear about your precious Oma. I have had your Oma and Opa on my heart since you wrote about the challenges that Opa has been facing. I will continue to keep them in my prayers.

Love & hugs, Q

Nanci said...

Rebecca,
I, too, am praying for you and the decision you must make. Trust God to give you clear leading in this -- ask Him for that leading.
I talked with Ruth on the phone today. She asked if we had heard whether the baby had arrived yet and made me promise to let her know as soon as I knew anything.

Love and prayers,
Phil. 1:3,4

Nanci

Victoria said...

Oh, Rebecca! How my heart aches for you and this decision! Thanksgiving was never a tempting option for me to have a baby - for the same reasons you mentioned. But, if that were the case, your Oma would probably be so excited, pleased, and thankful to know that you were bringing in a new life to this world - a life to carry on her light.

Talk to Matt. He sounds a lot like my man - he'll give you the practical side with your heart in mind. Practicality doesn't necessarily mean not going. Take some things into consideration. Can you see your midwife for a minute tomorrow to see if you've dilated? Get your records. Map out your route and see what hospitals are along the way, if you're willing to "take that risk". Matt will help you through this decision.

Praying.

Kendall said...

I am facing my first Thanksgiving without my dear grandmother, who passed away in September. My family gathered in February to celebrate her birthday, and I wasn't there. I couldn't make it, and I know that she understood. But still.

I know that every moment is precious, so maybe you and your newly-born Bunkin could have an after-Thanksgiving celebration with her?

What a difficult decision! I will be praying for you.

Michelle said...

I will be praying for you, too. It is a difficult decision, indeed.

I think I would chance it, but, then again, all my babies have been later than the "due date"...

Oh, just an interesting tidbit. I had Stephen on Easter Sunday in 2004. I was in labor while eating my Easter dinner, but, by golly, I wanted to have a NICE Easter meal! :)

Leah said...

CONGRATS on the van! I know how excited I was when we got our van. It made everything seem that much more real. Enjoy all your new space. The Lord willing it will be filled up quickly. ;)

I second the advice to talk with Matt. It wouldn't surprise me, though, if you already have. :) I also think trying to see your midwife for a quick visit is a good idea. I had contractions and other pre-labor signs for 2 weeks before finally going into labor. I was hoping that it meant my labor would be shorter but it wasn't. It was less intense but my longest labor yet (by a few minutes). Remember "For God is not the author of confusion but of peace..." 1 Cor 14:33a (NKJV) and "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." 2 Timothy 1:7 (KJV)

There were several special events I didn't want miss near the end of my pregnancy. I was sure our baby would be born before these events were to take place so I'd have baby in my arms. The Lord had other plans for me. I was able to attend all the events but with baby still snugly held within my womb. God's timing was perfect. It was hard to wait but so worth it! I trust the Lord will give you clear direction as you seek His will concerning this situation. (((HUGS)))