It is *HOT* and has been for the last three days. By 11:00 am the house is stifling, and opening the windows at night is no longer a remedy. It was 75 degrees at 1:00am last night (or rather, this morning! I know this because that is the time that I was coming home from 'crochet night' at Nancy's.
So-we go outside when we must early in the morning (to feed the starved plants their drinks, to hang clothes on the line to dry in just minutes, and to pick berries from along the roadside). The rest of the time, we are staying inside. But even INSIDE it is hot. Actually, probably MORE SO than outside because it lacks even the small gift of wind. The only bearable part in this house is the basement, and so here I am. Dawdling. Avoiding doing ANYTHING necessary, instead doing the ABSOLUTE unnecessary. But, I have had a few things to say for a while, so I might as well get them off my chest, and off my mind.
Like many others, when I first began blogging, I found great joy in finally having a voice that could reach outside of my typical, homely four walls and gathered my soapboxes with avengence. I could finally be heard and so I wasn't going to shut up. I had to voice all my opinions and all my theories-because, after all, I was RIGHT. About it ALL. (Of course, every other blog writer who writes on soapboxes thinks the same thing...) But then, as I read more and more blogs, I noticed that so many people took this new found freedom to extremes. THEY wanted to teach. PREACH. convict and convince-and by doing so, would they had elevated themselves. It disgusted me. And worse yet, I was one of them.
About the time of that revelation, I told myself-NO LONGER. This blog is going to be about my family. My joys. My creations. Us. NOT my theories. After all, WHO AM I to know all these answers? It was pride, pure and simple. So, I stopped. I stopped posting about my theories on breastfeeding and the Christian life. And I have avoided writing about anything 'controversial' ever since. Even though I am no less convinced I am right, for me. :-)
I wrote all that just to say, that while I shy away from posting such serious topics that might be met with great disagreement most of the time, I will break my own rule today. I have been taken aback by my own revelation. It happened several days ago and has not been far from me ever since.
A man stopped by the house to visit a few days back. He brought with him his new fiancee and a tape he had made in Tennessee at a real-live studio. I was casually joking with the couple, with Andrew on my hip and Corynn wrapped around my leg, and said "Corynn-remember this guy, he's gonna be famous! He's gonna make his mark on the world!" And then, the words that came from this stupid girl were, "I am gonna be famous for making babies and raising them." But I said it in some apologetic, sad way.
WHY did I say it that way? Why did I make it appear as though I had 'settled' in life, when truly and deeply-I have never felt ONE BIT of remorse. My life is WONDERFUL! More wonderful than I could have EVER asked for or even imagined. I couldn't answer my own question until it hit me. I said it because THAT is what people want to hear. Surely a woman who just has babies couldn't be HAPPY. And so...rather than speak the truth and be met with disbelief and disdain, I spoke what they wanted to hear.
And even as the last word left my lips, I was sorry I had responded in that way. Because my two treasures, glued to me 24 hours a day, seven days a week, might have heard the (albeit false) remorse in their Mama's voice and they might have felt sadness that they had caused it. Or they might have tucked it away for when they are older so that they might avoid 'settling' as I had. Praise God my children are but mere babes and will not be permenantly scarred from it. Praise GOD I learned my lesson before any damage was done.
I think it is an outright, blatent, LIE to think that women who stay at home and "make and raise babies" don't make their mark on the world. We are making and raising FUTURE LEADERS to RULE the world! How much greater a mark can we leave?!? As for now, I have two children, who will grow old and have families of their own. Matt and I will have expanded God's kingdom by three familes-(and hopefully more!)-and our children's children will grow old, have family and each of THEIR children will increase God's kingdom.
So, for the record: I am not telling these, my own truths, to you-spouting off that TODAY you should realize the power you have over the next generation, or that you should watch the words you speak-that you ONLY train our children to believe the RIGHT things, or that you should avoid lying, for it is a sin. Or that actions speak louder than words. Or even that Mothers (and fathers) leave a most monumental mark on the world.
I am saying these things to myself. Because these things are too important for me to ever forget again.