Sunday, June 15, 2008
All will be revealed in due time
A week or so ago, I wrote about some secrets bogging down my heart and mind, some 'unknowns' that were clearly about to drive me mad. They came very close to doing so, too, but just in the nick of time things began to reveal themselves to us. My hair is still MOSTLY on my head, my mind hasn't gone COMPLETELY mad, and my heart has been eased of *some* of its worry.
And now it is time to finally let it go. Get it off my chest. Stop being so secretive, even to myself.
Our lives are headed in a new direction. A very, VERY scary one and a very, VERY exciting one. Equally scary and exciting, both at the same time. Through a long and drawn out saga spanning all the way back to September of last year, Matt has acquired a new job. No. Not a job. A career. One that he has wanted as long as I can remember, one that he even applied for way back in the first year of of our newly wedded lives.
He'll not be painted with manure every single day, but will reside in an office for part of the time and make farm calls the other part. I will be able to hug him BEFORE he showers when he gets home, instead of after he has washed the splatters of crusty brown from his ears and neck. He will no longer come home with bruises on his legs from being kicked and there won't be many more stepped on toes, either.
This career move will allow Matt to have EVERY Sabbath off, in fact, the WHOLE weekend! GASP! And, brace yourselves people: He even gets off HOLIDAYS! *a collective gasp ensues* I know. I just can't fathom it!
It also requires us to move. again. Oddly, to the same place with which we left almost three years ago. Again, with protruding baby belly I have the incredibly enjoyable (ha!) task of packing up an entire house (though, SOMEHOW, it seems like we have more stuff now. I wonder how that happens???)
It is a rare decision that offers singly good and wonderful prospects, completely void of sacrifice and concern. Life is about good and bad. Yin and Yang. I recognize that any decision will have pro's and con's and wisdom falls responsible for deciding which is outweighed and which is not. So it is with this move. It is an exciting time in a lot of ways, yet, there are real issues that we will have to contend with. I am not so transparent as to go through them here, nor so insensitive...but suffice it to say, it will be an adjustment for many~ especially us.
When we first moved out here, we did so eagerly and happily on the wings of a too-good-to-be-true opportunity for Matt to become owner of a large dairy farm. Turns out, it really was too-good-to-be-true and we were rudely awakened. Of course, this realization came only AFTER my 9 month pregnant belly had packed up an entire house, we moved with a newborn and I unpacked an entire house with a newborn; only after uprooting our family from all relatives and friends and became settled in a new and unchartered (by us) land.
I don't consider moving out here a mistake, mind you- just more like God's plan working and not ours. I am ever so thankful that we did move here, even though it had many many hard times, because it opened our eyes to many things we may not have seen otherwise. It gave us opportunity to be a family and create our own traditions, it helped us realize how wonderful it is just to be together as a family; to not be pulled and pushed by the expectations of others. It opened our hearts to two particular families who became less like friends and more like family as time passed on. These two families are so dear to us, to me. They are my friends. My mentors. My encourager's and future. They are incredibly dear to us and leaving them is proving to be a most difficult thought. It leads me to tears every time I think about it. This is one of those sacrifices that must be made for the greater betterment of our family, and right now, it is the hardest. I pray for God's strength and grace to say goodbye to our frequent chats and visits, and pray that He will allow our less frequent visits to be made more sweet. Our ties can never be broken, of that I am sure.
But where to move TO? Well. God is good and has already set his plan in motion~ His plan is far greater than we could ever have imagined for us. Isn't that often so?
The home that we are to move into is our dream home. To some~ it looks like a dust pit within a boxy, old frame. To us, it is the start of our dreams come true. We aren't drawn to fancy crown molding or the same number of bathrooms as bedrooms. We look past the boards and paint, and see the LIFE that can be lived there. This home has the potential for LIFE. For living, exploration, sharing, growing, learning, and cultivating a rich life. Most especially, a place that draws eyes heavenward at the bounty and beauty of God's creation. These are the things that draw us in and sparkle our eyes with misty joy.
It lies on 90 acres of pasture and woods, it is home to many outbuildings, and it neighbors several Amish homesteads. Gardens, perennials and orchards are no longer a distant future dream but one that, with sweat and joy intermingled will come to fruition very soon. Animals are no longer 'something we can get when we have land' but are real prospects for the spring. Our own fresh eggs, fresh milk from a local dairy until we can get Corynn her cow , and plenty of other 'plans' and dreams that, Lord willing, are soon to be realized.
The plan right now is to rent, and I pray fervently that the nonchalant offer of an exchange of ownership will work out. For now, our rent payments will go to a couple who we hold in incredibly high regard, our brother and sister in Christ that we shared our lives with in our old congregation. Renting somehow is easier when you respect and love those whom you are renting from, and I trust them completely. When we are certain we love living in this place (psshaw!) and that Matt enjoys his work (ditto!) and that we can dig our roots firmly and deeply in the soil, we will discuss purchasing. In the meantime though, pennies will be pinched more than never before in order to make this dream a reality with our name's on the deed.
Since September, we have held bated breath and lifted many a prayer for all of these things to come about. Time seemed to travel at a snail's pace, and we grew impatient as the moons circled their orbits with no news. Three weeks have passed since the day Matt endured an incredibly long interview, we walked through our future home, we've exchanged several phone calls and finally, were offered the job. Now, we have three weeks more, to pack up all our worldly possessions and say good-bye to this chapter in our lives. The new chapter begins July 15th, or thereabouts.
May God grant me strength...