What you do in your house is worth as much as if you did it up in heaven for our Lord God. We should accustom ourselves to think of our position and work as sacred and well-pleasing to God, not on account of the position and work, but on account of the word and faith from which the obedience and the work flow. ~ Martin Luther

Thursday, October 30, 2008

The Last Month

This week marks my 36th week of pregnancy. With both previous pregnancies, I have given birth at 37 weeks. While I try not to think of it that way so as not to get my hopes up, I feel I ought to be at least a bit prepared. Especially when the hours of darkness pass with hours of contractions, as the night did last night. They were the irregular braxton-hicks sort of contractions, mind you. But even those Braxton-hicks...PRETEND labor contractions... are doing something~ stretching, massaging and preparing the uterus for it's big day...and so, I know the time is drawing near.

Every day draws me a little bit closer to finally meeting this mystery child that has surrounded my heart these many months. I will be able to grasp the little fingers that have tickled and stretched skin my own skin as his/her skin too continues to stretch and grow, to kiss the little feet that have bumped and jarred me awake and caused eruptions of laughter from an astonished boy and girl child...and to see the face that has been blinking, smiling, sucking, hiccuping, and listening in silence, tucked snug and cozy in his/her very own warm and private womb-home.

This pregnancy has been very difficult for me~ much moreso than the two I enjoyed every minute of 5 ands 2 1/2 years ago. My belly is very rarely without pain and soreness. To flip from one side to another in bed is not just tedious, but painful. My feet ache each morning and my back often hunches over in an effort to overcompensate for my pained belly. I am a hunching, hobbling little hobbit and I don't know WHY!

The time when I feel best of all is when I am laying in bed curled and pressed against Papa's back-my arm tucked snug around him and my belly pressed firmly into his back. Mother and Father with Baby snug in between. A Bunkin sandwich.
I feel most comfortable (comforted) at those times and imagine that Bunkin can sense the closeness and can realize the sensation of being surrounded with love. It helps to imagine that.

Last night, for the first time ever I got to feel a baby hiccup inside me. I never felt that sensation with Corynn or Andrew and my goodness! It was magical! I laughed merrily in the wee morning hours and woke up Matt-much to his displeasure-just so he might feel it too. I stayed awake, concentrating and anticipating each perfectly redundant pop and I could nearly visualize Bunkin's head jarring with each blow. A real baby.

A real BABY. Why, after two children and three pregnancies, am I *still* flabbergasted at the miracle of life? Shouldn't this be old-hat by now? But the newness, the TRUE-ness of a created being, is miraculous still. And overwhelmingly good.

Despite the bits of discomfort I feel now (swollen with child) and the discomforts that come later (because yes, children ARE difficult to raise at times), yet this life is precious and this opportunity is amazing. I try fervently to remember how blessed this life is, this life God has planned for me, and I try not to take for granted that this beautiful opportunity might continue to be mine. There are women who are crying out to God that they be blessed with just such an opportunity and yet, they still stand arms empty and eyes wet. There are women who have one, or two, or three but yearn for many more and are struggling to find contentment with those even while wishing it were not the end. There are women who, with every fiber of their being, are trying to make sense of the child they once had and loved and why that sweet child was taken away.

I pray that I be ever content with God's plan for my life, whether more new-life stories fill this blog (and moreso, these walls and my heart) or if my womb is to be closed off and I must find joy in these three alone. I beg that my eyes and heart might be open, seeing, and compassionate toward those who would struggle to find their purpose in life, or wait on God's timing to experience this joy. I pray that I be wise and good enough to offer compassion and wisdom to these women...something I lack sorely. I pray that I trust God in all things, and THANK Him abundantly for these gifts that I so often take for granted.

I pray I might never forget how lovely it is to be a part of such a beautiful story, the story of life.


Tracy said...

I remember those tiny baby hiccups so fondly! Amazing that there is NO doubt as to what that little jarring is, isn't it?

And I am the mother of four, who gets wet eyes longing for more... your prayer is my own...

Brenda@CoffeeTeaBooks said...

I remember my third pregnancy as being the most painful. I know my son was in a breech position (he was a planned C-section so that didn't matter) but my doctor told me by the third pregnancy, a woman's muscles are not as strong as they were before.

My daughter discovered the same thing in her later pregnancies. She was quite uncomfortable!

Praying for you a very healthy baby, healthy mommy, and blessed Dad and siblings. :)

Andie said...

Bethany got the hicups constantly! It was so awesome...but a time or two she had them so badly that they hurt! Crazy! I do miss feeling the little miracle moving inside...but now my miracles are 4, almost 7, and 8...and I get to kiss them and hug them every day.
My midwife always told me that those annoying braxton hicks contractions are not "pretend" or "false" labor. She always called them pre-labor or practice labor. They are doing real work. They are getting the uterus ready. They are stretching and pulling on parts that need to stretch...getting them ready. I had those "prelabor" contractions from about 4 months with my last one! EEK! By the time she was born I had the most practiced uterus in the world! :o)
Blessings my friend...I am praying for you!

abigail said...

I am going to waste many hours soon commenting on all my friends' blogs, but I had to jump the gun here and tell you how absolutely BEAUTIFUL these belly pictures are! I wish I was pregnant right now. I'd totally copy you.

Until I come again to flood your inbox! (...which won't be today because I need to, um, start the girls' hallowe'en costumes.)


Mom2fur said...

I used to think my kids liked to grab hold of my bottom rib and swing back and forth, they got so active towards the end!
Wow, it's getting close for you. I wish you an easy and safe delivery. Can't wait to see pics of the new dollbaby!

Grandma Bibby said...

You have such a gift for writing. I hope you continue to take the time to write as often after this little one arrives in this world to hold and love all the more. I eagerly anticipate the phone call from your mom about his/her arrival. May the Lord bless you with an easy and safe birthing process.

Leah said...

I wonder which one of us will go first?! :) I've gone an average of a week "late" with my three older children so we'll see. I may be visiting you in the hospital with a belly still swollen with our newest baby blessing. :)

Please keep us updated on any new developments!

Grace & Peace,

Deborah said...

Rebecca, this was such a beautiful post! Both what you wrote and the photos!

Even though I don't comment often on your blog, it is one of my favorites.

Praying God will surround you and Bunkin with His presence in these last few weeks (or days).

Mrs. Bonnie said...

37 weeks, huh? That'll be me in a week and a half, and I'm crossing my fingers that I go early. (I have nothing ready by the way) I keep wondering whenever I get on here, if there will be photos of a new little one, NOW I will make sure I get to check everyday!
Love all the photos, you don't even look winded from your sprinting!

Michelle said...

Baby hiccups are the best! All four of mine have done that while still inside, usually right about when I want to go to bed! :)