May Days

Today is July 1st.

Seems like the perfect time to post some May pictures!

(All of the above photos were taken by Adele') 

I'm sorry Adele'- they are just too good!

My dad planted two apple trees with the children while the cows contemplated how to eat them.  

homegrown asparagus.  Yum.

This is the puppy we decided to keep.  

Sweet as syrup and the same color too, we named her Jemima.

Her mother, Sadie, went and adopted our neighbor instead of us, because SHE lets her not only in the HOUSE, but in her BED.

(I can't compete with that.)

We hope Jemima continues to prefer laps to beds.

There are times when history repeats itself and this is one of them.  I am quite sure I even have a picture right here on the blog from years' past.   Not that I am going to look.  I can see it in my mind, clear as day.

We went to a book sale!  

Did we have room on our shelves before hand?  Nope. 

 

Did that stop us?  Nope.

A first fishing trip!  Moses is hooked!

(Get it?!)

He caught 15 fish- but Mr. W. had NOTHING to do with it.  ;-)

Holla for challah!

(Of course, I had to.)

Jemima broke through Andrew's thick exterior in two seconds' flat, just by laying upon his feet.  Very Ruth-esque, if you ask me.

Next time Matt and I fight, I'll know what to do.  It works like a charm!

(Another one of those reliving history moments.  With Grandma and Moses this time.)

Feeding these fellas is a full time job.

A Child Named Benefit

 

(I stole this photo from Adele' because I am a photo thief.  But an honest one.  ;-) )

A certain child-who-shall-remain-nameless-lest-embarrassment-ensue said, incredulously, as we were driving down the road the other day "I would NEVER name my child BENEFIT!!!"

Confused, I said, "I wouldn't either.  But I've never heard anyone named Benefit.  Where have you heard of someone named Benefit?"

"That wagon over there!  It had a sign that said BENEFIT CAN DRIVE!! with a picture of someone on it!"

Oh my stars.  I about died laughing.  

 These moments are getting fewer and further in between but when they come, boy, do they bless me!

I Feel The Same

Moses was eating breakfast in the other room when I heard him say 

"Mmmmm.  Cottage cheese.  I love it in a deep regard" 

Gotta Love Those Dead Puritans

I shared with you in my last blog post how difficult last year was for me.  (Thank you all for your kind words and encouragement.  That means so much to me!)

What I didn't share with you (but should) was one thing that helped tremendously through it all.  And that was...reading some old, dead Puritans.  They know a little something about life and salvation and sin and suffering... and they aren't afraid to tell you like it is.

Friends and family can rally alongside you and love you, care for you and encourage you.  (And that is much needed.)  But one thing they don't often do (and if they did, it would be hard to take) is to offer you a stern REBUKE.

And friends, there were plenty of times in this last year when that is precisely what I needed.  

There are plenty of times I still do.

And those old, dead Puritans sure know how to convict and rebuke in a fruitful way!  A way far different than a friend coming alongside you in your deep pain and saying "Buck up you sinner and KNOCK OFF the SINNING."  It just lands better when they are too dead to be mad at.  😊

So if you find yourself in a crisis of any sort, might I encourage you to find some dead puritan friends?

Thomas Watson.  John Owen.  Richard Baxter.  These are a few friends of mine.  (If you have any Puritan pals, let me know in the comments!  I'd love to meet them.)  

A few quotes I clung to last year...

From Thomas Watson:

“Oh, Christian, if you are overspread with this fretting leprosy, you carry the man of sin about you, for you set yourself above God and act as if you were wiser than He, and would sassily prescribe to Him what condition is best for you.”

“Contentment is the true philosopher’s stone, which turns everything to gold. It is the mysterious enamel and embroidery of the heart, which makes the Church, the bride of Christ, “all glorious in her chamber.”1 Every Christian should long to wear such a sparkling diamond!”

"Whoever brings an affliction, it is God who sends it."

“God’s providence, which is nothing but the fulfillment of His decree, should be a guarantee and an opposing force against discontent. In His wisdom, God has set us in our current station.”

From John Owen:

"The duties God requires of us are not in proportion to the strength we possess in ourselves. Rather, they are proportional to the resources available to us in Christ. We do not have the ability in ourselves to accomplish the least of God's tasks. This is the law of grace. When we recognize it is impossible for us to perform a duty in our own strength, we will discover the secret of its accomplishment."

"The greatest sorrow and burden you can lay on the Father, the greatest unkindness you can do to him is not to believe that he loves you."

From Richard Baxter:

“Above all be much in secret prayer and meditation. By this you will fetch the heavenly fire that must kindle your sacrifice: remember you cannot decline and neglect your duty to your own hurt alone, many will be losers by it as well as you.”

“Take heed to yourselves, lest you perish while you call upon others to take heed of perishing, and lest you famish yourselves while you prepare their food.”

Forty Three

Most years, I spend my birthday doing laundry and school and dishes and cooking and just ordinary living.  It's just a day, after all.  But this year, I decided to ditch it all and do something,  ANYTHING,  AWAY from ordinary living.  I wanted to celebrate being alive.  

(Warning: it gets deep from here... feel free to skip to the pictures)

When Corynn got married and I had to say goodbye to life as I had known it for 20 years, with all my children around me, I thought that might be the hardest year of my life. Before that, Mom being in the hospital was a pretty hard stinking time- but a different kind of hard.  The kind of hard that I endured knowing who I was, who God was and who my people were.  Saying 'goodbye' to my people, to Corynn, as she had always been and the life we had always had was hard in a tectonic plates shifting kind-of way.

But tectonic plates shifting can still result in a fruitful and beautiful (but different) reality. 

This past year, though, has been more a sense of being buried alive.  The kind where you truly consider whether scratching your way to the surface is even worth it.  Considering if staying buried is the better option.  Giving up on life, entirely.  My world was rocked, and not in a good way.  I despaired.  I wanted to die.  I wished for it.  I wondered if the world would be better off without me, as all my living, all my efforts, my very breath seemed in vain.  If I could not shield and protect my children, why was I even here?  If this home could not be shielded from the world and sin and misery, what was even the point? I was, and am, a terrible FAILURE.  And that was a very hard reality to live with because I truly have tried so hard.   In a real way, not living seemed pretty enticing- less painful.  If God's plan for my family was so painful, how could I trust that it was for our good and His glory?  I wondered if God could even be trusted- I felt that He and His plan had betrayed me.

I was left face to face with the stark reality that though you can believe you are doing 'everything right'- you can be shielding and protecting and preventing and teaching and living- we can homeschool and we can worship regularly and read the bible and we can refuse video games and cellphones and TV every night and take care with relationships... but in so doing, my eyes were always fixed on ME.  What I was doing.  What I was protecting.  What I was preserving.  The fact is, we all fail miserably at doing everything right.  

We are sinners.  All have sinned and FALL SHORT OF THE GLORY OF GOD.  (Romans 3:23)  

I have always known I am a sinner.  I am very aware of that.  But somewhere along the way, I had forgotten that the God of the universe didn't need me to do everything right.  He didn't need me to sustain or preserve or protect.  I had forgotten that I wasn't in control and it wasn't all up to me.  In fact, I am utterly powerless.

And that is where the glory comes in.  His Glory shines when I recognize that HE is God and not me.  That HE is ruler of the world, NOT ME.  That HE is in control, not me.  

And that is where the good comes in too.  It is GOOD for me to not lie to myself that I am doing everything right.  It is good to know that I (and all who I hold dear) are wholly dependent on the mercies of God and the grace that HE bestows.  Not ME.  I was proud... and we are called to be humble.  I was lying to myself... and we are called to be truthful.  I thought I was strong, I thought I was wise, I thought I was in control... I thought wrong.  All is vanity.

This past year and all the pain and all the screaming at God and questioning and crying was worth it to have my eyes opened to this.   Have I overcome?  Nope.  But I have been given more days to trust.  To do right.  To be comforted.  To be faithful.  To tell the truth.  To see God bringing about glory through suffering. To declare and know God to be omnipotent, omniscient and omnipresent.

And so you can see how I needed to celebrate this year.  I needed it desperately.  With the Lord's faithful support, I overcame my desire to die and I was given a greater desire to die to self.

On the morning of my birthday, I told the people at home that I was going to go on a special adventure.  No school, no laundry, no ordinary.  They could come if they wanted.  (They wanted.)  Corynn happened to call that morning to wish me a happy birthday and SHE wanted too.  ;-)

We packed a picnic lunch and headed to Buttermilk Falls for a hike.  To celebrate "just another day", just another year, that the Lord has given me, at the tail end of a year where I wished for none.

Thank you, Lord.

Corynn is about 16 weeks pregnant here (?) and looks like she *might* have just eaten a big breakfast. But how fun to see the teeny little Pipsqueak belly start to pop!  

Oof.  I've been discovered.

Ineke shows me just how she feels about THAT.

Me, at 43.

"Look Mama!  We are gonna fall off the wall!  We can't hold on any longer!  Ahhhhhhh"

If they think they can terrify me with faces like these... they need to go back to acting school.

It was a sweet, sweet time.  Enjoying waterfalls and roots.  Ferns and dappled sunshine.  Breeze.    Barefeet.  Legs walking up a million steps.  Rest breaks because I am now an old person with bad feet and knees.  Laughter.  Chatter.  Fresh air.  Surrounded by my people.  And glory.  And goodness.  

And me, taking it all in.  SEEING it.  Taking time to notice a world, a life, full of gifts.  (Which I don't do often enough.)

After exhausting ourselves with a hike, Adele' and Corynn drove home with the Littles and I met up with Matt for a dinner date at a new (and delicious!) place.

And I got home to find a most delicious secret birthday wish come true- a cheesecake just for me made by Corynn! 

I ate it in the flower circle as the sun was setting, dining with a hummingbird greedily slurping nectar from the flowers around me.

It couldn't have been a better day.  

I don't know if future birthdays will include dinner dates with Matt or delicious cheesecakes, but I know that from now on, they will ALWAYS include special adventures of NOTICING the Lord's goodness.  

And the celebration of another year to do it.

Because Chesterton was right, it is a good thing to be alive.