A Year Ago Today

Corynn and Kemuel are off celebrating one year of married life today in the Catskill mountains...seeing amazing vistas and visiting lots of coffee shops.  

Meanwhile, I am drinking tea and looking back on photos of that day.  It was all a bit of  a blur on their wedding day, due both to busyness and sickness, so in many ways, it feels a bit like experiencing it all for the first time...

maybe you'd like to also?

(The above link takes you to their wedding album...)

Thanks to my brother for taking these photos and Danielle, for editing them.  I am so happy and grateful to have them!

(Happy Anniversary, Corynn and Kemuel!!  We love you!)

5097

An Eve to Remember

 It is now January 16th- midway through the first month of the year 2024.  I still feel unequal to the task of representing the last few weeks well- and every time I try, I cry.  But if I don't at least attempt it, I'll just get more woefully behind on 2024... and so, here we go.

(Those young people who have been eagerly anticipating pictures, you have my permission to scroll past the words of lament to get to the good stuff!)

New Years Eve's Eve my whole world changed.  

When I was a young mother with young children hopping and huddling all around me, it never really occurred to me that "this too shall pass".  I was too busy taking picnics and singing alphabet songs and making dinner and cleaning up puke and dancing in the kitchen and reading stories and doing laundry and begging children to "Please SETTLE DOWN!"... to ever really contemplate the idea that this glorious CrazyTown is a fleeting reality.

Back then, I was too busy enjoying Corynn's jokes and her cute little-person enunciations and first-born antics to ever consider that there would come a day when she (or any of my children) would leave me.  

But on New Years Eve's Eve, Corynn did.  I watched her be carried off by her new Mister, to adventures all her own.  While many mother's mourn the inevitable separation from their children in the privacy of their empty cars when they drop their kids off to college...  I had to do it in the presence of nearly 300 family, friends and community members.  How could it be done without me becoming a blathering idiot?

Well, the Lord saw fit to make me incredibly sick just at the very worst time (or maybe just the right time?) three days before the wedding, during the wedding and a few days after the wedding.   It made doing all the things I needed to do (before, during and after) extremely difficult because, turns out, DIY weddings are NO JOKE!!!    God was so merciful to me on the actual wedding day though, as I was able to rebound enough to fake it (with meds) and then down, I went again, the next day.

And it wasn't just me who was sick.  But the Bride herself!  And Adele'.  And Andrew.  And Judah.  And some bridesmaids.

(Thankfully, Moses, Ineke and Matt were spared until after the wedding!)

I am not whether to blame my sickness or just putting on a wedding in general but I was so focused on survival that I had a hard time thinking of anything else.  I picked up my camera for all of about 5-10  minutes the whole weekend. I didn't even think (until days later when it was too late) to ask to get a picture with Corynn on her wedding day.  (I'm SO SAD about that!)

But even sickness can be a gift.  This illness was diverting enough on the wedding day, where my focus was on not passing out rather than grieving for a season of my life that is no more.  I was focused on trying not to seem sick rather than lamenting the fact that my future includes many more goodbyes.  I was trying not to get too close to people so I didn't make them sick rather than thinking about the fact that my children will, in fact, SETTLE DOWN!! (And in the blink of an eye too).

You may say I am depressing.  You may say I am a worrywart.  You may say I am too sentimental.  And sure, all of these things may be true.  But another thing I am is honest... and these are the things I have been struggling with...even in the midst of a joy and gladness that Corynn has met a fine man to share her life with- and the Lord has seen fit to give her the desires of her heart.   

I rejoice for Corynn and Kemuel while mourning a bit for myself.  But as a Christian, we are called to die to self for Him to do a good work.  As a parent, the Lord gives us special practice at it.  We die to ourselves when we wake up in the middle of the night to nurse.  We die to ourselves when we make and serve millions of meals when we really, really, really would love to go to a restaurant and be served.   And the Lord is calling me to die to self once again- in giving up and letting go of the gift that He gave to me for a time.  

I am not doing it particularly gracefully but I am doing it the best that I can.

The best thing to do, particularly in those low, hard times, is to choose not to dwell there.  So I claw myself out of the quicksand by forcing myself to flip my perspective to one of gratitude and thanksgiving.  Counting blessings.  Naming gifts.  Finding joy.  Pursuing gratitude.    The act of counting gifts has always helped to retrain my gaze to one that is perhaps a bit more glorifying to God and receptive to God's will.  It doesn't come naturally.  Sometimes I'd rather wallow.  It can be hard work.  But it is necessary work.

So- with just a few photos to show for it (many from Matt's cellphone!)- let me tell you THE GIFT that was Corynn's wedding... all things I am so grateful for.

~ for a wedding engagement of just a hair over three months and a guest list well over 300, I am amazed at how many personal, handmade and DIY things were able to be done to make the day special and one-of-a-kind.

~ No snow storms to make life miserable!  In fact, I was out doing flowers on Thursday night on the porch quite comfortably!

~ Friends rallied around me and helped me get all the things done that needed to be done when I got sick.  Millie went grocery shopping with Corynn when I was literally too weak to stand.  Joelynn sewed all those triangles I had cut into a proper bunting when I was just gonna just toss those hours of trimming triangles into the garbage because I had too much to do and felt lousy enough to just want to give up.  Delphine and Holly and Joelynn worked alongside me for two days- and shoved water down my gullet.  Abby and Millie made gorgeous berry cupcakes that rivalled the professionally made wedding cake in both beauty and taste.  Janette helped me make beautiful arbor arrangements.  The Jones family helped serve and replenish food and coffee.  

~ It was a large crowd at over 265 but I had planned on an extra 100 people who didn't show up and even that was a gift- because it wasn't too overcrowded (and it would have been).  This was such a mercy to me because I spent a good portion of November/December stressing about how to make this wedding enjoyable for guests who would likely be squished in like sardines.  Praise the Lord!  No people were harmed in the making of this marriage! ;-)

~ The wedding favors were purple poppy seeds that Corynn collected from her own flower garden last summer and then painted a purple poppy and created seeds packet labels.   The idea of purple poppies everywhere, Corynn's joy, spread all around this country, makes me so happy.  (They were about 10 cents a favor, too, which ALSO made me happy.)  

~ We alternated favors by supplementing every other place setting with a beautiful orange clementine, which was so stunning with the tiny glimpses of orange ranunculus poking out every now and again, and much more "favored" by children and menfolk.

~ Matt and Grandpa made a beautiful timber-framed arbor which seemed to me to symbolically cover Corynn and Kemuel with their blessings during the ceremony.  Uncle John helped by sawing the logs up for Matt, just in the nick of time.

~ We had nearly as many children as adults at the reception so we made a separate space for a lace teepee, an indoor snowball fight and a yard-sized connect four in another room from the reception.  There may or may not have also been raucous games of TAG.  ;-)   

~ My fabric scrap stash was cut down quite a bit to make a BoHo bunting to be hung overhead.  Originally, this was just meant to be stylish and provide a vintage pop of color... but afterward, it just reminds me of Joelynn and her kindness and love... which makes me love it even more.

~ The food I had made ahead of time was delicious (so I am told) and because we store up beans and rice and had butchered a cow last year... didn't cost anything out of pocket in November/December, when our pockets were pretty echo-ey as it was.  We essentially paid for sour cream, lettuce, cilantro, lime, salsa, cheese and tortilla chips.  That was AMAZING.

~ All the food calculators say to allow for 1/3 pound of meat per person- which I did.  About 130 pounds of meat I made!  But I brought home almost half of it!.  Apparently, food calculators don't count on lots of children who tank up of tortilla chips?!?  Or beautiful bread and cheese appetizers?  I was able to bless lots of people with extra food after the fact- but I try not to even THINK about all the work I could have saved myself.

~ Our church ladies (and Aunt Holly) put on a beautiful grazing table with gorgeous cheeses, breads and spreads. I was complimented on it throughout the night as being "one of the most beautiful grazing tables" ever.  I never saw it in person but I *really hope* someone took a picture!

~ Corynn's wedding dress had a huge slit in it and she asked if I could sew it shut for her and then said "Oh- wouldn't it be SO NEAT to have a flower insert put in, so when I dance it opens up to show flowers?!"  Ummm... YES!  For over a month and a half, every time I had a spare minute, I embroidered a flower on chiffon- it was a race against time.  All different flowers, and prayers attached to each one.  It was a blessing to me to be able to do that for her.  And I got it done with one day to spare!

~ Sam's club bulk flowers were GORGEOUS - we ordered white stock (one of my own wedding flowers), red alstroemeria, orange ranunculus and some greenery.  The rest we supplemented with foraged evergreens and dried flowers.   A friend loaned us some silk florals for the arbor.  Arbor arrangements, 10 bridesmaids bouquets, a bridal bouquet, six corsages, 20 boutonnieres and flowers for about 30 tables, a bouquet just for me to take home (because Natalie is just the sweetest) and leftovers to boot... all for under $500!  

~ Corynn had been sick for a week (and even had to cancel her bachelorette party!) but was somehow able to rally on her wedding day and looked positively radiant!

~ And she didn't pass out during the ceremony, which, I'm not gonna lie- I was worried about!

~ Andrew sat down a bit during the ceremony (though he was a Groomsman!) because he felt like HE was going to pass out though.

~  Moses took his ringbearer job seriously and was just so stinkin' cute.  He was such a little man.

~ Ineke was one of two flower girls but the only one who scattered petals and the only one who sobbed down the aisle.  It was precious and sweet and heartbreaking.

~ Judah was found sleeping on a couch halfway through the night, getting "bit by the bug" mid-wedding.  

~ ~ I caught Kemuel and his groomsmen taking time to pray together before the ceremony. 

~ Adele' felt dreadful the whole time but she showed just how much of a trooper she is by handling herself with grace, even then.

~ Moses showed off his break-dance moves.

~ Matt and Corynn totally nailed their dance though they had no preparation whatsoever.  Have FUN was their strategy and it worked.  They danced to Neil Diamond's Sweet Caroline, which is a song that I changed the words to "Sweet Babe of Mine" and sang to Corynn.  It was "her song" growing up.  I also stitched "sweet babe of mine" in with the flowers on her dress.  

~ One of my fondest memories of my own wedding reception was when all our guests joined in to sing Edelweiss during the reception.  And Corynn gets to have a similar memory- because at one point, I heard the whole reception start to sing Neil Diamond.  That made me so happy.

And one of the most WONDERFUL things of all~

~ there were dozens of dish-washers and table-packer-uppers and car-loaders who rolled up their sleeves and helped clean up so I didn't need to spend the night at the location in order to clean the place up the next day all by myself!  (Which had been the plan.)  I am still amazed at this!

All this to say- the whole wedding weekend was jam-packed with glory and goodness and beauty and and sentiment and rejoicing, even while in the midst of real struggle and trial and imperfection.  

And that seems like a perfect way to start a life together, doesn't it?

 

So THIS happened...

 

I remember many years ago, the very first time Matt came over for supper as we were getting to know one another, after he left I told my Mom that I was going to marry that man.  She laughed, of course, but I was absolutely serious.  I just knew.  I don't know how or why- but I felt it in my bones.

And when Kemuel approached Matt about Corynn and later, as I watched them interact with one another, that very same feeling came back to me.  I just knew.  The Lord had given my girl her other half.  Almost immediately, I knew.  I don't know how or why, but I felt it in my bones.  Like Mary, I hid these things in my heart and began praying for them earnestly.  

And now, it is official.  

On the eve of Corynn's 20th birthday (so she was engaged at 19, just like her Mama), Kemuel coordinated a beautiful mountaintop proposal with both families hiding away at the base of the hill to celebrate with them once she said yes.  (Of COURSE she was going to say yes!)  

The scene was beautiful.  The ring is beautiful.  The sentiment of having both families there, rejoicing alongside them, was beautiful.  The joy they exude is beautiful.  

Having never done this before, it is an interesting and strange feeling to invite someone into your lives and hearts who are different than you.  Different idiosyncrasies, different ways, different histories, traditions, priorities.   I have seen it done many times, sometimes well and sometimes I have seen it turn out badly.  Kemuel?  He fits just right.

The Lord has been abundantly GOOD to us all in giving Corynn Kemuel.

We rejoice in knowing that

~ Kemuel lives his life fervently for the Lord, our greatest prayer for our children in their search to find spouses.  They will be equally yoked.

~ Kemuel is very hard working and has good work ethic and is dedicated to caring for those he loves.  Corynn will be well cared for.

~ Kemuel has a proper view of divorce and understands the implications of that.  Corynn will be safe.

~ Kemuel is very committed to family- not just to his but to OUR family.  They will not be going off to live on a proverbial island but value our insights and spending time with us.  We will not be losing a daughter but gaining a son.

~ Kemuel treats his family with respect and kindness.  Even little people.  He does the same with ours.  That says a lot about a man.

~ They will be local which means we will be able to be active participants in their lives and, Lord willing, our grandchildren's lives.  

~ Kemuel comes from a family with very similar living situations, Christian ideals and personalities.  We love the Laudermilchs already- our families have been friends for years.  It will be uniting not just two people but two families in love. What a gift that will be!

~ Kemuel has a desire to be self-employed and create a long lasting legacy for his family to grow into.  He is already succeeding in that goal. 

~ Kemuel has already shown great desire to communicate well with us, which is the most important step in communication, after all. 

~ Kemuel (and his family) are already loving, learning and growing from Reformed people that we greatly admire. 

~ They are of one mind about homeschooling...

~ And children being a blessing and from the Lord

~ And the value and impact of women staying home and caring for the household/being a helpmeet

~ And standing up in the face of tyrants

~ And in many ways, worship

~ and in many ways, sanctification

~ and in humor

~ and in eschatology...

~  Kemuel LISTENS to Corynn and values her input.  He told me it is one of his favorite things about her- that she is constantly helping to refine him.  And Corynn is not afraid to boldly call him out and push him toward wisdom.  This is a HUGE gift to them both and something not many marriages have.

~ Kemuel is fervent in his desire to live according to God's word.  He is honorable.

~ They adore one another and are willing to lay their lives down for the other.

~ They both fully understand that they are not just making a covenant with one another but, ultimately, with GOD.  

And so... we continue to pray fervently for them- that the Lord would grow them in wisdom and goodness but we rejoice that He will grow them in these ways, together. 

And we thank the Lord for His kind mercy to us in giving us another son. 

Because Kemuel is a self-employed contractor and his business picks up dramatically starting in spring and doesn't slow down until fall...

Because Kemuel and Corynn want to glorify God in their purity during their engagement...

Because some of Kemuels' siblings are away from home until next year with the exception of Christmas break...

and because who wants to wait when you know you know...

Kemuel and Corynn have decided to get married December 30th... of this year.

I never ever in a million years imagined a winter wedding (oh, the stresses!  No free flowers!  No gardens to feed people!  No outdoor, cheap weddings. No needed, natural WARMTH! Possible snow storms! AHHHHHHHH) and the timing seems THE WORST (I feel like I barely survive Ineke's birthday and Christmas every year as it is...) and also in like a minute...

but when I get overwhelmed, as I most assuredly will and almost feel right now, I will revisit that list above and focus on giving thanks.  Because there is much to be thankful for.

God is good.

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; 

for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18